Breaking Out Again (of this rut I’m in)

May  I be painfully honest? I have really not felt like running since Grandma’s Marathon on 6/18/16. In fact, I’ve really not felt like doing much of anything-except sleeping! It’s summer for goodness sake, what’s WRONG with me???

I tend to internalize crap that I shouldn’t. Like having a crappy race experience when I know I am capable of so much better! Oh there are other things like not hearing from my kids for weeks, worrying about my mother’s health, and thinking about the project I need to get done for work. Some things are out of my hands, this I realize. Other things, like knowing I should be training more (or better) are completely in my control!

I refuse to blame it on age, because I have always believed that age is a number. We get out of anything what we put into it. I know 90 year old people that have more energy and spunk than a lot of 40 year olds (and younger). I am definitely not a lazy person, but I have discovered that I am definitely one who gets bored easily. I thrive under pressure. I am always looking for that new experience and adventure.

I have never followed just ONE running plan. I tend to glean from a few different ones and adjust them to my schedule. I also admit, that as a nurse on my feet for 12 hours for 2 days in a row completely drains me mentally and physically. Running is usually my outlet, but then again, I have been in a rut of sorts.

So I decided that I needed something more. I need accountability to help me get through the rough spots. So once again, I hired a trainer to get me to the finish line of my next marathon pain free and under 4 hours. The last time I did this was early 2014 before my first Boston qualifier. It’s so easy to get lax when one doesn’t have someone pushing them and expecting more out of them. PLUS, when I have spent the $, I expect to get my money’s worth! It is definitely no quick fix. I MUST put in the work!

Variety is the key. I love being around people who are constantly trying to better themselves and do not accept mediocrity. The dumbing down of our society as a whole is so frustrating! I have mentioned before that I am SO thankful for the high school teachers who pushed me and didn’t let me get away with less than my best! I will forever be grateful for my college prep teacher who instilled in me a HUGE vocabulary!

So once again, discipline is key. July first will be the start of my training for the Marine Corps Marathon this fall. No more rest days when I need to be training. No more talking myself into less miles than I should be running. I need to “get out of my head” and be a little selfish with my time.

Would I like my kids to visit/contact me more? Certainly! Would I like for my mother to be completely healthy? Of course! But those are two things that are completely out of my control. What is in my control is the goals I have for myself and the steps it takes to get there. That means core work every day even when I’m sore and running when I don’t feel like it! 

Everyone experiences low spots in life, it is the human experience. Realizing that  you are not alone is a major step to breaking out of ruts, no matter what it may be. Maybe it’s not running. Maybe it’s life in general. The news media certainly doesn’t help with making our world a cheery place. Depression is real. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is treatable, and you are not alone. You are not a weirdo or a freak of society.

This month marks 7 years that someone I was close to chose to take her life. She is missed every day and her contribution to society is forever gone. It doesn’t have to be this way. Reach out-there are people who truly care and can help you through this rough spot.

Sometimes we can get so down on ourselves that we can’t see the beauty of our lives for what it really is. ALL lives matter. Whatever you’re going through, don’t let it defeat you!

“I choose to be strong by being soft and pliable rather than inflexible, brittle, and hard.”–Affirmation by Wayne Dyer from Living the Wisdom of the Tao, verse 76

Hope to see you out on the road or trails!

Stephanie

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

 

 

Oh the Agony of da Heat & da Knees!

Catchy title eh? It should more appropriately be called, “A Tale of Two Cities” but I think that was already claimed by Dickens & it was set in London & Paris before the French Revolution. I could have called it, “Three Strikes You’re Out,” (appropriate since it’s baseball season), or I could just lay it all out there in Stephanie style and tell you how I see it.

This is of course, my experience with running Grandma’s Marathon 2016, which just so happened to be it’s 40th anniversary. Anniversaries are lovely things, but that is fodder for another blog. Note the featured image. It was 64 degrees and overcast the day I arrived in Duluth, Minnesota. I was thankful that I had seen fit to bring my long compression pants as rain was in the forecast for race day (they weren’t needed after all).

The Expo: It intrigues me to experience different cities/marathons and their expos. Having just experienced Hospital Hill in KC, for the umpteenth time, it was quite the contrast (as much as the cool temps from the upper 90s in KC)! It was held in the Duluth Entertainment Convention Center or DECC. One had to go through most of the vendors to get to the packet pick up area. That was fine, as I got to sample some wonderful coffee-“Arco” brand that I made sure to purchase at a local grocery store and bring home. The “problem” as I saw it was that it was way too congested. I thought Twin Cities was asses & elbows, but this was much worse! I like to shop at expos and tend to spend too much money, but I couldn’t seem to think of a thing that I needed at this one! I picked up  my bib/packet without much fanfare, got my freebies, and left.

On to locate the Motel. Duluth is beautiful by the way, and if you have a chance to visit, I would highly recommend it! I should mention at this juncture, that the whole premise of running this marathon was camaraderie with some of my fellow running group rock stars. I would have liked to have gotten a New York qualifying time, but I wasn’t training for it in particular. I was mostly “along for the ride.” Having said that, the “group” which arrived in various fashion-planes, trains, & cars (ok, maybe not trains), were planning on having dinner together at a pizzeria just across the state line in Wisconsin.

Nutrition & Fueling: I have learned through the years, that I cannot eat past 4pm before race day & expect good outcomes. Since the group was meeting at 5:30pm, that meant that eating would most likely commence a little after 6pm & not end before 6:30pm or 7pm. Not a good plan for me. I was in bed by 8pm.

Race Day: 0300 alarm, out the door by 0530 and just in time for shuttle bus to the start at Two Harbors by 0545. It was 33 miles to the start from the motel. The course ran along Lake Superior, ending in Duluth. My group had boasted that this was a “flat” course, with one hill toward the end. I beg to differ. To me, it was like 24 miles of Rockhill Road in Kansas City. There were a few downhills, but not many. I was just pleased as a peacock that it was not raining and that the temp was 70ish to start. Still a far cry from the 90’s in KC.

My people showed up group by group, depending on where they stayed. It was a great sight to see the orange finally arrive! A quick photo and we all headed to our respective corrals (if you could call it that). Supposedly, 9600 people were registered to run the full marathon. I had no plan, other than to hover from the 3:45 to the 3:55 pacers.

I should have hit the porta-potty the final time before the start, but I didn’t, lying to myself that the urge would pass. It didn’t. Thankfully, there were the familiar blue vertical rectangles along the route before even hitting a mile. I had to stop, knowing I would be thinking about it the entire time and not doing my best.

That taken care of, I tried to make up time by sprinting-never a good idea at the start of a race, especially on what appeared to be mostly uphill! I caught a glimpse of one of the running group girls, caught up to her & we chatted for a bit. There was a random runner (female) with some odd coin type skirt thingy over her shorts that kept “jingling.” I can’t tell you how much I wanted to rip that thing off of her! How freaking annoying! By mile 4-5, I took in my first GU and my first Saltstick cap by mile 6. I was feeling actually pretty good and on my normal pace.

It was great to have volunteers handing out cups of ice, because the temps were starting to increase. By the halfway point, I was at around a 2:04 and was starting to feel a bit fatigued. Fatigue and heat I can handle, but what was about to come, I could not.

I started to feel a little niggle in my right knee around mile 16. “Crap,” I thought. “Maybe it will just go away.” I was hitting every water station and walking through them. It wasn’t cramps, but the old IT band from many months ago, laughing at me. Another girl from the group showed up at one point and we ran some together until she needed the porta-potty. She caught up to me and passed me as I needed to hit the johnny room again (so much for nutrition planning)!

Nothing smells quite as horrific as a porta-potty on a hot day in June, especially when one is having digestive problems and feeling some queasy. At that point, I decided that I just did not care about time anymore and I just wanted to finish. I could handle this-two 10ks & I had it whooped! By mile 19, the wheels fell completely off as BOTH knees were crapping out and I decided at that point that I was just going to have fun and get through the final 7.2 miles any way that I could. So I started taking pictures.

It was after all, a beautiful course. I made sure to get in some photo ops with the locals, Elvis seemed to be popular :I think it’s around mile 22 that Scenic Hwy 61 crosses over into Duluth. All I know is that I was going to capture this monumental moment. Every time I saw the “First Aid/Dropout” signs, it was oh so tempting!!! Ok-only 4.2 miles to go! My knees were screaming. I tore my sweat rags and tied them around both knees. I was hot, nauseated, and hurting. So thankful for the people along the way who graciously sprayed us!

A fellow runner, who ironically was having IT band problems as well, offered to take my pic in the sprayer. Runners are so awesome! It wasn’t long after this when a couple more from my group passed me & were aiming for a PR. I tried to stay with them but the knees said, “no way!” I then employed the 1 min run/30 sec walk routine. This worked for awhile. Finally mile 23. There was a guy with a beer bong, and boy was it tempting! Anything to numb the pain!

“Only” a 5k to go! As any marathoner knows, the last 5k is mostly mental-especially on a good running day. I just kept thinking, “Okay, I can walk 10 min miles and be done with this beast in a little over 30 minutes.” I didn’t even notice the hazard signs that had gone up.

Photo credit: Runner’s Edge

“Full steam ahead!” I only wished. The same girl from early on caught up with me again and another whom I thought had long passed me. We had about 1.5 miles to go and I thought I could finish with them, but the last little downhill on the brick road was too much for the knees and I had to walk once again. My time between miles 25 & 26 was 15 minutes. I told myself I would at least run (hobble?) the last .2. I just wanted to be done and get that damn medal!

I did finish in 4:50:45-my third worst finishing time ever in my 9th marathon! The first was KC Marathon in 2011 at 5:17:56, followed by Route 66, 2013 in Oklahoma at 5:04:37. All three times (three strikes) were a result of IT band flares. I have no one to blame but myself.

Two tales (in pics) of beginnings and endings:

Beginning & End

Pre-Race & Post-Race

What Went Wrong & What I Learned: Every run-race or otherwise, should be a learning experience. Yes, it was hot & humid and is estimated that over 2000 people dropped out. No, the course was not what I expected. I never look at a course prior to a race. But I had just done Hospital Hill for goodness sakes! As I reviewed my Garmin, I had a  pretty good race up until mile 13-16. Heat has never really been an issue for me. As a rule, I like hills. My problem was laziness. What???

Let me explain. Since I qualified for Boston for 2017 last fall at Twin Cities, I kind of let things slide. Especially after I got sick in March and had to forfeit the 100 miler I signed up for. I have taken a LOT of rest days, and not pushed myself like I know I should have. As I said before, I really did not have a goal time per say for this race, but somewhere between 4 and 4.5 hours would have been desirable. I am 10 pounds heavier than this time last year. True, a lot is muscle, but I have more around my middle than I like. For the past three years, I have been consistent with core work to strengthen my back, and hips. I have not done one lick of core work this year mostly because I find it totally BORING! I have weak hips, back, & glutes. I have work to do.

Hopefully I will have a better report after the Marine Corps Marathon this fall. On the flip side, this was one of the funnest marathons I have ever participated in because I was there with my local running family. They are the best and I am so glad that our paths have crossed. They are some of the MOST hard working, dedicated people I have ever met & who NEVER give up! They truly made this a memorable weekend.

Running Friends are the Best!

Toasting to the Future

“Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.”

–Dean Karnazes

Hope to see you out on the roads or trails!

Stephanie

Next up: Stars & Stripes 5k on the 4th of July and taking on Psycho Summer 10 miler 7/23!

 

 

 

For the Love of the Run

Wow, it is May 4! Just another day to many of us. Second month of the second quarter and the weather has been a little schizophrenic. I like it HOT. In fact- the hotter, the better. Screw those cold weather runs! Actually, the low 50s is sort of a runner “sweet spot” but I cool down very quickly and get cold rather easily. At any rate, I will run in whatever weather if my running family is out there too.

I love running. No other way to put it, pure and simple! There is nothing I would rather do in my idle time, and when you get to do it with others, it is all the sweeter. Don’t misunderstand, I enjoy my solo runs as well. In fact, they make up the bulk of my running. It just makes the time with others all that more awesome. It is a community of commonness, a fellowship of perseverance. We’re all out there for the common goal of competing with no one other than ourselves in pursuit of pushing ourselves to the limit.

As much as I love running and what it has done for my health, body, and mind, I love that it has brought people into my life that I would have otherwise never met. They just “get it.” By “it” I mean the struggles-battling injuries, trying to get faster while not getting injured, getting the nutrition “just right,” wearing the correct shoe for your gait, pace, racing, body lube, recovery…the list goes on & on! Struggles…THEY GET IT!

They also get it when you talk about the time when you first finished a 5k, 10k, half marathon, marathon, & ultra marathon. They relive the ecstasy of a new “PR” even if it is just by a few seconds, and they rejoice with you. They are the people with the most “intestinal fortitude” on earth! If I was stranded on an island, I would want runners with me. We don’t give up and we don’t give in. We persevere to the end.

To all of my running family past and present: I want to tell you how grateful I am for you. I watch you, I admire you, I feel your pain when you have to take time off for an injury or illness. I get it when you get in a “rut.” I get pissed at you when you talk negatively about your run and that you “only” did 4 miles, or that you “only” had a 9:48 pace. We are all built differently and we all have “off” days. You all are phenomenal. It brings me great joy and pleasure to run with you, even if it is just in passing and we give each other a “high five” or whether we are just acquaintances via social media. Don’t ever underestimate yourselves or give up on your dreams.

We were passionately destined to meet. We are family…we are runners!

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

“I learned that if you want it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it.” -Gale Sayers

52 Reasons I Am Thankful For 52 Years

Ah, birthdays-some hate them, some love them. Well, consider the alternative & that is my #1 reason for being thankful. As birthday number fifty-two is coming up on April 5, I still have life in this body (even after a horrible bout with the flu which led to respiratory issues-blah)!

#2 My maternal great grandmother was a widow in her fifties and could not drive a car. I am thankful that I can drive a car, and a truck, and a stick shift, & that I have two of the three.

#3 I am thankful that my parents never abused me and had my best interests at heart even though they were imperfect people.

#4 I am thankful that I grew up in an era when respect & manners were high priority and a foundation for a successful life.

#5 I am thankful that my teachers pushed me to be my best and academics were not “dumbed down” to accommodate those who did not care & did not try.

#6 I am thankful for all of the whoopins’ I got that broke my will, but not my spirit. I am a better person for it.

#7 I am thankful that I know what a rotary phone is, lol!

#8 I am thankful that I know what America’s top 40 with Casey Kasem is, The Midnight Special with Wolfman Jack is, and was alive when video killed the radio star.

#9 I am thankful that I lived through the original vinyl albums, 8-track tapes, cassettes, and saw the advent of CDs and digital music.

#10 While on the subject of music, I am thankful that I grew up listening to pure, raw talent with the likes of Johnny Cash, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, Journey, Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Kansas, REO, Pat Benatar, & Sebastian Bach…just to name a few.

#11 I am thankful that I had my first “real” job at age 15 (babysitting before that), and that I had to earn my own money to buy my first car AND pay the insurance. It taught me responsibility and to take care of my belongings because they weren’t just “given” or “entitled.”

#12 I am thankful that my mother instilled a strong worth ethic in me.

#13 I am thankful that I still have my mother.

#14 I am thankful that I had my dad for almost 80 years of his life and 45 of mine. The rascal chose to depart the earth on Father’s Day in 2007. He always had a dry sense of humor!

#15 I am thankful that I inherited my dad’s dry humor. Some may not understand my humor, but it has kept me sane & kept me from crying a lot of times.

#16 I am thankful that I reside in America where (so far), women can pursue their dreams.

#17 I am thankful that I never missed a meal. It may have been Miracle Whip or Spam sandwiches, fried bologna, deviled ham, goulash and plenty of mac & cheese growing up, but my stomach was never empty.

#18 I am thankful that I grew up with no air conditioning, then a window unit that froze me out of the room it was in, but made the rest of the house sort of hot. I didn’t die.

#19 I am thankful for that doctor who got the needle out of my butt when I was sick at 5 yrs. old (I stiffened up), the nail out of my foot, and who assured my mother that I would outgrow “wetting the bed.”

#20 I’m thankful that I DID outgrow “wetting the bed!” LOL!

#21 I’m thankful that my older brother did not kill me.

#22 I’m thankful that I could play outside long after dark without fear of harm.

#23 I’m thankful that I walked to and from Jr. High and never got abducted. Stranger danger was not an issue.

#24 I’m thankful that I was a tomboy and collected frogs and snakes in a Mason jar and wasn’t afraid to have a turtle for a day and then let it go (as well as the frogs & snakes).

#25 I’m thankful that I had pets growing up and was taught what it took to care for them.

#26 I’m thankful that I got to experience the loss of those pets in a safe atmosphere. It taught me that nothing lasts forever.

#27 I’m thankful that I had to create my own entertainment as a child and became an avid reader with a HUGE imagination.

#28 I am thankful for books…hard copy

#29 I am thankful that I was a fat kid (what)? It taught me to be an empathetic adult and to understand what it is like to be the last picked at kickball and not be in the “popular” group.

#30 I am thankful that I hope I will NEVER be in the “popular” group!

#31 I am thankful that I held the vision/dream in my heart since age 5 in kindergarten, to be a nurse.

#32 I am thankful that I graduated with honors in ALL of my nursing programs after returning to school as the “non-traditional” student (thank you Weenie Ward and your college prep class in high school)!

#33 I am thankful that both of my sons got to witness my graduation from my Bachelor of Science in Nursing Program in 2006.#34 I am thankful that both of my boys are successful in their endeavors & that both had beautiful weddings to wonderful girls.#35 I am thankful that despite my daughter’s rebellion, I have faith that one day she will see the light and realize that I am not the bad guy!

#36 I am thankful that I have a great job.

#37 I am thankful that I own my own home

#38 I am thankful that I have the certain neighbors that keep a watch over me and mine.

#39 I am thankful that despite being a fat, non-athletic kid, that I have found my niche in running.#40 I am thankful that despite the naysayers, I qualified and ran Boston and will return there in 2017.

#41 I am thankful that despite a few setbacks, I am for the most part, healthy.

#42 I am thankful for all of the people that running has brought into my life.

#43 I am thankful for all of the people that running has reacquainted me with.

#44 I am thankful for all of the running greats that I have met through this glorious sport.

#45 I am thankful for my whirlpool tub and for a bed to lay my head on after running.

#46 I am thankful for the love/hate relationship that I have with my foam roller.

#47 I am thankful for body glide.

#48 I am thankful for the Sunday Runday group and for 2 mile aid stations.

#49 I am thankful that winter doesn’t last forever.

#50 I am thankful that I got to see the Kansas City Royals win the World Series TWICE in my lifetime!

#51 I am thankful that I am finally comfortable in my own skin and honestly DO NOT care what others think of me. I refuse to play games and pretend to be something I’m not. I’m “popular” with me and I have to live with me, so there it is.#52 I am thankful that despite all of my failures and short comings, God knows my heart and that it doesn’t matter one iota what others have said, done, or expect of me. I am NOT a conformist. I think for myself and form my own conclusions. If one can’t/won’t accept that in me… “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!” -Famous quote from “Gone With the Wind.”

Hope to see you out on the roads or trails,

Stephanie

 

When Life Gives You Lemons

I’m sure we have all heard the various takes on this phrase- make lemonade, add vodka, etc. I don’t particularly hate lemons although they can leave a sour taste in the mouth. I’m pretty sure that is what the author of this phrase meant in regards to something that can be distasteful or disappointing.

My last post I was entering my last 27 days of training before taking on 100 miles. My last long run was exactly 2 weeks ago-a 20 miler that felt sluggish at best and left me feeling really beat up. I could have blamed it on the intense wind that day or the fact that is was day 3 of back to back long runs, but that was not the case as I was soon to discover.

Enter The Lemons: I awoke the next day ready to go to work but feeling a bit “off.” I thought I was just a little sore from the intense 3 day runs so I arrived to work ready to tough it out. Have you ever had one of those “pseudo reality” experiences? Like arriving at your destination without recollection of how you got there? I sort of felt like I was floating and then the intense chills/rigors/body aches set in. I left after 30 minutes, realizing I was going to be a worthless nurse that day.

I seldom miss work, but for the next three days I was behaving something like this:

Baby Rex the Chihuahua

Needing a Dr. excuse for the 3rd day of missed work, I embarked on urgent care for the first time. Nasal swab confirmed influenza B. So much for mandatory flu vaccines. I have honestly not been that sick since the early 90s. The body aches were so intense that I could NOT get comfortable no matter what I did. I maxed out on ibuprofen and took Tylenol for the first time in at least 15 years. I soaked through bed sheets at least three times a night for 4-5 nights. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E! By Saturday (day 5), it had settled into my lungs/chest and every cough felt like I was going to hack up a lung and felt like an inferno in my lungs. The thick, green phlegm that came up (sorry) told me that I was now sporting a good bacterial infection that was not going to go away without antibiotics.

Urgent Care Trip Two: Having been there once, I thought, “Okay, this will be a breeze. I’ll tell them what I need (after all I AM an RN), they’ll write me a prescription for an antibiotic, and I’ll be on my way and feeling better in about 48 hours.” I can now appreciate when patients say that doctors don’t listen to them. The “full of himself” physician told me that he was sure that it was viral and that I did not need an antibiotic. I’m so glad that he came to this conclusion without a chest x-ray or sputum sample. Holy crap-me knowing my own body and what it needs surely was not enough! I left with a prescription for steroids and tessalon pearls because CLEARLY the doctor knows best! The ONLY reason that I filled the prednisone was because I had also developed an itchy rash on my chest & on both ankles and I knew that steroids would calm that down. I did not fill the tessalon pearls because I hate taking medication that makes me feel loopy. It was only to suppress the cough anyway. The fact that he would not listen and almost insisted that I smoked (asking 3 times) left a REALLY sour taste in my mouth. Talk about lemons!

What is a nurse to do when she has to return to work the following Monday. She takes matters in her own hands and uses the internet to get what she wants. I’m pretty sure that feeling like I was drowning, not being able to breathe and wheezing was indicative of something more serious to which an antibiotic would be effective. Long story short, I got my antibiotic and within 48 hours was feeling much better although the cough seems to be hanging on without the burn. For all I know, I could have had a touch of pneumonia or RSV. I was never checked for either. What I DO know is that I NEVER want to be that sick again. I’m pretty sure my body could have fought it off after being exposed to the germs at work, but doing those back to back long runs expended all of the energy that was needed to fight it. Who knew?

Lemons. The two things I love doing the most -running and eating, I could have cared less about. I missed key training runs leading up to the ultra. The weather here in Missouri has been bipolar lately with cold, damp mornings and chilly, windy days. I have since started running again on my treadmill, embracing it like an old friend. I am not going to run outside until the weather levels out. It’s just not worth the risk of relapse.

Not quite 2 weeks, but close

Lemons. Where does this leave my ultra? I had at first bumped down to the 50 miler, contacting the race director who was gracious enough to do that for me. But as of this writing, my gut is telling me that although I know I could do it (12 days away & I am THAT stubborn), it would probably not be the best decision. The long range forecast is calling for low 40s that morning with a high in the 50s. Normally great running weather, but not when one has another week of antibiotics to take, sweating and cooling off in those temps would not be wise. Weird to be side-lined by illness instead of injury.

One of my greatest pet peeves as a nurse is non-compliant patients. I have to practice what I preach, and putting my body through that much stress when I have been the sickest I have been in 20 years would be a foolish decision. I missed a Shamrock 5k I was registered for as well. So unfortunately, I will take the big DNS (Did Not Start). This decision was not made lightly and is definitely disappointing.

Good Advice

My focus will now turn to training & being completely healthy for Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth this June with some of my fabulous running group friends. I will also run the Hospital Hill 1/2 Marathon this year having not ran it for several years. I’ll see how many other states I can knock off over the summer with the half marathon & do some more trail runs. Will I sign up for another 100? I don’t know. It is a HUGE time commitment. At this point I am happy just to be able to breathe and feel like myself again.

Enjoy the journey

 

That makes me happier than three turtles sunning on a log!

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

Living, Dying, & Finding 100

Recent thoughts going into my final 27 days of training

Let’s start with living. Take a deep breath in. Do you feel that? That is life in it’s purest form. No breath, no life. It’s the basic component of CPR-the ABCs- Airway, Breathing, Circulation. You have to have an airway to breath. Ventilators can breathe for you, but eventually you must breathe on your own, or it is shut off & you die. Take another deep breath. Relax & let the stress melt away. You are alive.

I think it was Les Brown who said, “Some folks are dead at 25, but not buried until they are 85.” I love this metaphor as it describes so many who just “settle” for existing. They are born, go to school, get a job (or not), retire, and wait to die. Their dreams, hopes, and talents are buried with them. They are the naysayers, the ones who don’t believe in themselves even when no one else will. They give up and settle. They never go outside of their comfort zone.

Now, I’m not saying to be irresponsible. Heck, in this day & age of entitlement, we need more responsibility. What if we all took a few more risks? You will never no how far you can go until you push yourself. Don’t die while you are still alive. Here’s one I’ve used before, but is worth repeating:

Live Your Life

On dying: Was is Star Trek that always started with, “Space the Final Frontier?” I personally don’t believe that is true. I think death is the final frontier. What is left after that? Despite one’s beliefs on the afterlife, it is permanent and the one thing that we cannot control. We are all going to die. Many do not want to believe or accept that. That is why it is so hard to sell life insurance & why many a family is left to pick up the pieces and sort things out after the fact.

Many die way too young. So much living left to do, so much heartache left for those who loved them. Their chances are over. Just. like. that. Human nature, or selfishness (human nature), or the “I’ve got time” mentality makes one think that one will always be there. Words left unsaid, fences left un-mended, & “one of these days” are gone forever.

A tale of two women:

2/24/2016 a young woman left this world unexpectedly. I’m sure when she awoke that morning that the thought that she would perish that day never crossed her mind. So tragic, so sad, no time to say goodbye, just gone. I met this young woman when she was seven years old. She died way too young at the age of 40. Her facebook post from the previous day, almost exactly 24 hours to the time of the accident was this:

We all have a departure date

A few days ago a friend called to tell me that a former co-worker was in the hospital and got devastating news out of the blue that she had inoperable cancer. In fact, it is so bad that they could not distinguish one organ from another when they opened her up. The only symptom she had was stomach swelling. The medical professionals have given her 3-4 months to live before her departure date. She herself is one of the finest medical professionals I know, and she taught me a lot about being a nurse. Tragic-yes. Still young by today’s standards of longevity in her early sixties. Yet she has the advantage of getting her affairs in order and saying her goodbyes.

 

Finding 100

As my training is winding down for the Epic Ultra 100, I have struggled to get things just right. Finding the right pace per mile has been one of the issues that has been difficult. Not too fast-definitely not too fast. Yet for someone who has always strived for speed, it has been a challenge wrapping my head around this. It is almost painful to go too slow, but I know this is what must be done to go the distance. So far, I have varied between an 11-12 minute pace and that has seemed to work even with 30 second walks every 4.5 minutes. I know I should slow down even more. I will hit my longest training run on 3/19 of 50 miles-2 weeks before the Ultra. Other struggles have been getting nutrition just right, strengthening my core/hips, and adjusting to carrying 2 liters on my back. At best, I am mentally prepared & I am determined that the other things will just fall into place.

LIVING: Had anyone told me a few years ago that I would be running 100 miles, I would have laughed. But that has been with so many other things in my life as well. I have chosen not to die while still living and breathing. There is so much more living left to do. I am a risk taker & an adventure seeker. I have goals and hopefully will inspire others along the way.

DYING: I realize that I have no control over when my number is up, but I sincerely have tried to leave no regrets. Nor do I have control over how others choose to respond to me, leaving words left unsaid. That is for them to deal with when the time comes, but my mind is at peace. It requires dying to self, self-righteousness, pride, & ego. Sadly, many people would rather hang on to their need to “be right” than to “make things right” with others.

Metaphorically speaking-what will it take to find your 100? Is there a phone call you need to make? A debt you need to pay? A visit, a card? A vacation you’ve been meaning to take? A talent that needs to be unleashed? The chance for “one of these days” may never come.

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

Going Psycho

The textbook definition of psycho is short for “psychopath,” and is defined as: one who has a personality disorder characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, diminished empathy & remorse, & disinhibited or bold behavior (Wiki dictionary). Psycho as used in this blog has the more vague definition of “crazy” as in the “disinhibited or bold behavior,” insane, or just plain “nuts,”  in a “why would you want to do that” sense. At any rate, this is my experience with my second but long(ish) trail run called the “Psycho Wyco Run Toto Run” winter trail race put on by Ben Holmes & the Trail Nerds. It was held on Saturday, February 20 this year.

I’m assuming the “psycho” in the race name is more referring to the course itself more than the people who run it, or maybe a little of both. The “Wyco” is short for Wyandotte County, as it takes place at Wyandotte County Lake Park Bridle Trails. I’m guessing the “toto” is referring to the cute little dog in the Wizard of Oz since it is in Kansas. But sometimes I guess & assume amiss. At any rate, it was the most difficult course I have ran to date since I became a runner. But then again, there is a HUGE difference between road racing & trails. Here is my journey of four hours, 29 minutes, & 34.6 seconds.

The description per psychowyco.com – “A loop course on rocky, rooty, and hilly bridle trails & single-track trails. Time limit: 9 hours for 50k & 20 miler, 8 hours for 10 miler.” I was a little scared of the “rocky & rooty” since I met some of those face to face last November at Sander’s Saunter. But then I thought, “how hard can it be, I’m nearly a PRO now after completing a six mile trail run” (I laugh heartily at myself). I was originally going to sign up for the 10 mile since I really thought it was going to be cold. As I watched the extended forecast, it was looking like great weather so I decided to jump on the 20 mile. Two ten mile loops, what the hey. Signing up late meant that I forfeited the race hoodie. I would rather lose that than lose my entry fee had I signed up early and had a DNS (Did Not Start) if it had turned out snowy & bitter cold! I shudder to think about what that trail is like in snow & ice as it was two years ago.

I arrived at the lake right at 0630 per advice from a trail running god friend. He stated that the parking lot near the start/finish would fill up fast, so be an early bird. After a complete loop around the lake (I am somewhat directionally challenged), I found the aforementioned parking lot. First things first-johnny room location. I was pleasantly surprised that I was the only one in there (two stall park bathroom). I went back to the car, grabbed a jacket, and went to pick up my bib. I felt chilled, so since I had plenty of time to kill, I sat back in the car. I made sure all of my gear was intact, ate a “Honey Stinger” waffle, sat some more, made another trip to the john, pinned my bib on, took the jacket off, donned my new CamelBak hydration pack (without the bladder on purpose) & headed to the shelter where the heat was. Important things first: love on the running god’s dog “Athena” and get into her head.

Photo Credit: Mile 90 Photography

Since the director strongly advised carrying your own hydration device or water bottle, the vest was perfect for one bottle that I could fill up along the aid stations & carry my phone, keys, gels, & salt capsules. Or so I thought. The water bottle was about three inches too big & I had to hold onto it for 2.8 miles until I got to the first aid station where I dumped it and had the kind volunteer put it where my water bladder should be. Some of us gathered around the electric heater as if we were freezing to death at 43 degrees.

0758: Engage Garmin to find satellite & head toward the start. Two minutes pass & we’re off across a lawn full of Sugar Gum tree balls-#$%@&*! I felt those! “Hope I don’t roll an ankle before I even get started,” I thought. We cross a bridge, go up a hill and enter the trail head. Lots of people. Congested. I engaged my herd mentality and took the lead of the feet directly in front of me. Lots of rock, lots of walking. The faster runners began to gain a little speed until the all rock hill from hell.

Photo Credit: Stephanie W.

A few seasoned trail runners leaped right up that thing. Since I didn’t want to
“bust a knee cap” (I do a BAD Joe Pesci impersonation), I walked gingerly (always wanted to use that word) up & around those rocks. Smooth sailing for a bit until the wrestlers mud pit (at least that’s what it looked like-doubtful that much wrestling goes in in mud-dung). Great! Thought there was no mud?! Since I don’t own gators, I tried to stay to the sides.

Mud & muck (photo credit my own)

All this time my water bottle was going “slosh, slosh” and my keys were singing “jingle, jangle.” It was annoying to me, so I know it had to be annoying to others. Have we even reached a mile yet? Next up: a creek (stream?) to cross.

Photo Credit: Mile 90 Photography

I don’t know what I was looking at but it must have been pretty interesting as runner in back was looking that way too. Could have been an alligator for all I know. Right foot got wet. Glad it was warming up. Just a bit longer and there it was in all of it’s glory-the 2.8 mile Triangle aid station!

Photo credit: my own

I can’t say enough good about these people. I drank what I could of my water, dumped the rest & nice lady put it in my back compartment I ate one of my gels, fixed the key problem and off I went annoying noise free! I was entering the “triangle” one of the most fun parts of the trail with lots of winding up, down, & around. I was feeling pretty full of myself staying upright around all of those rocks and mud and water. Then it happened at mile 3.2 after I had just told the girl behind me if I fell to just “use me as a stepping stone.” Toe caught a rock or root and down to my right side I went. This pic must have been a little before it happened because that was definitely the girl.

Photo Credit: Mile 90 Photography

Okay, had to get that first one out of the way. No bragging rights for no falls this day. Then just 0.2 miles later, there I went again-down to the right. I determined that the Jeff Galloway “shuffle” for the roads was not working out for me on the trails. I decided to pick my knees up a little and “trot like a horse.” After all, they ARE bridle trails!

Mile 3.8 was the backside of the first aid station. I downed some “Heed” drink and some more water and took off again. I don’t remember specifics about the next 1.2 miles, but there were a couple of open culverts to cross and the long winding dam area. I suppose that’s why the next aid station is called the “Dam aid station.”

There I swallowed a salt capsule as I had been running over an hour at this point, drank some water and glory of all glories: road hills! Two gloriously STEEP hills to run before entering back into the woods & on the trails. “I can make up some time here,” I thought to myself (as if I cared about time, <snort>)! I remember mumbling to the guy I passed (who was walking), something like, “THIS is MY forte-the ROADS!”

Photo Credit: Stephanie W.

 

Crowd was really thin at this point, 3 of us and a lady with a Weimaraner. This was the toughest part of the course to the finish. Lots of steep, steep hills and rocks.

Photo Credit: Stephanie W.

After feeling like Tarzan and three miles later, there was the mile 8.2 aid station. I drank more water & Heed, ate something that I don’t recall, and took off with 3 other women. I actually “semi-fell” while walking up a hill but caught myself, so I count that as 1/2 a fall. On this next steep rocky climb, I told the three gals to go ahead so that I could take a pic.

Photo Credit: Stephanie W.

A mile or so later after topping a hill, there was a lone drummer in full marching band gear. It was weird & awesome all at the same time. Wish I would have taken a pic. I will mention the lady in pink and the lady in orange in the above pic again in the next paragraph.

I caught up to the three and was enjoying some shady, soft leaf covered trails and got a bit ahead. Darned if those rocks didn’t jump up and grab the toe of my right foot and down I went AGAIN… on-can you guess? MY RIGHT SIDE! This time the inner part of my left knee hit the hard ground. The girls in pink and orange were not too far behind and stopped and were genuinely concerned. Yes it hurt & for a moment I thought that with less than a mile left, I may be hobbling to the finish and dropping down to the 10 mile distance. Girl in pink offered to help me up but I told them to go on, that I just needed to “sit and feel sorry for myself” for a minute. After what seemed like 30 minutes (it may have been three), I got up, dusted my butt off, tested out the knee and took off running. It stung some but not enough to impede my running or walking.

Soon after, I heard the music and knew the finish line was near. My ten mile split was 2:05:03.1 with a 12:30 pace. I stayed at the Main aid station for 5-10 minutes to stretch, hydrate, swallow another salt cap, ate some bacon and other goodies (sugar free diet out the window until after major races), and took off for the second loop.

This time there was no crowd and I determined that I was just going to take my time, not fall, and take some pictures. It was truly peaceful until I caught up to a guy that had the same four AC/DC songs blasting over & over. He finally got way ahead of me after the triangle. The next pic was taken by Mile 90 Photography on what they call “Speed Demon.” Some of the down hills the last 4 miles were of the winding, curvy type.

One of the coolest things was seeing the four firemen in full attire doing the 10 miler. I thanked them for their service. Photo Credit: Mile 90 Photography

Being mostly alone the second time around was great for leisurely taking photos of steep, rocky cliffs with danger signs, complete with a shot of my shadow! (humor, arr, arr).

Photo Credit: My own (sad)

I had one more fall between miles 18 & 20, this time on my left side-go figure. Only one witness. I finally reached the finish with a total time of 4:29:34.6 with an average pace of 14:27/min per mile. All things considered, I was extremely happy with that in the sense that my projected finish time for my age and gender was 5:50:00. Not bad for an antique finishing 60 out of 87 with 8 of those total being older than me and 3 the same age. Of the 27 finishing after me-two were older and one the same age. Not bragging, just stating that age is a number. Photo credit below: Mile 90 Photography.

I try to learn something from every experience in life. What I learned was this:

Avid trail runners are beasts & are much more nimble of foot than I am.

The “proper way to fall” skills I learned from skydiving class come in handy on trails.

The dancing lessons I took as a child for my clumsiness did NOT help.

The appropriate size water bottle for your pocket is essential.

Extraneous noises out in nature annoy me.

I need to find a really GREAT trail shoe.

Ben Holmes & the Trail Nerds/Volunteers are awesome.

Mile 90 Photography is phenomenal (of course I already knew this).

Many (and mini) down hills shred the quads.

When in horse territory, learn to pick up your knees & trot like a horse.

I don’t know if bears crap in the woods, but horses sure do!

Photo Credit: My Own (REALLY sad)

 

All in all it was a great time on a 72 degree winter day in February.

Hope to see you sometime soon on the roads or trails,

Stephanie

 

This Onion Called Life

Here it is the last day of 2015 according to the Gregorian calendar. What a year this has been! I don’t really make “New Year’s” resolutions since a resolution is defined as “a firm decision to do or not do something” (Google search). I feel that saying I will or will not do something for 365 days is to set myself up for a fall. I prefer daily resolutions, those being different than commitments (Google Search).

Commitment: The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.

I can commit to things months down the road and “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise,” and I’m still breathing, or don’t have a family emergency, I will be there, do whatever. We’ve all had those disappointments when someone said they were going to be there for us and they let us down. Which brings me to the topic of de-cluttering.

My oh my how I have accumulated stuff over the years-and STUFFED it! Finding stuff I forgot I had is almost like Christmas. So I resolute on a daily basis to throw away/give away SOMETHING. I have read articles that state a de-cluttered living space helps to de-clutter your mind.

I have also committed to, and resolute on a daily basis to de-clutter my life of negativity and of those people who choose to live there. Yes, I realize that everything cannot always be sunshine & roses, but I am speaking more of a constant state of being that some have that has become a way of life. If it/they, does/do not grow me, lift me up, or make me a better person, I have no place for it/them in my life. Life is too short to be spent wallowing in the mire with others and their stinkin’ thinkin’!

I looked back at my photos from this past year and realized that I have a lot of phenomenal people in my life. A lot of them I just recently met the last quarter of the year. I love taking photos because to me it is “capturing life.” I must confess that I was at a really low point at the end of the summer because I allowed one or two people to wreak havoc on my emotions. Notice I said allowed.

We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. I have made a commitment to myself that I will never allow myself to be mistreated again-by friends, family, co-workers, or acquaintances. Some may call it selfish/harsh/unfriendly, whatever. They are generally the offenders who will always come up with excuses for their actions. They can all wallow in the pig pen together and share their filth. I choose to not be a part of it. That being said, old habits die hard. When one has bad habits, they have to learn how to replace them with good ones to be successful. One such good habit I have acquired is embracing the power of community. I cannot state enough how making a commitment to be a part of a running group has made me a better person. I hate having to miss it at times due to work obligations.

There truly is power in numbers and having others to do those long runs with has been a wonderful thing. It has also brought me out of my comfort zone of running in cold weather since I am a cold weather weenie. Being uncomfortable is the only way we grow. PLUS, I am around like minded people who share the love of running and are great encouragers. They aren’t there to judge me or find fault. Runners are some of the most upbeat/positive people on the planet! We may fall down in our goals (or in my case literally, lol), but we get back in the game and keep on truckin’!

Just a “few” of the awesome run group

 

Another great community is my work family. They are some of the BEST group of RNs/CNAs that I have EVER worked with. Such professionalism, fortitude & a great team. We are not out to “eat” each other, but to help each other and do what is best for our patients. I couldn’t have made a better move than when I moved to my current unit. Love those gals!

I will be the first to admit that there are daily resolutions that I fall short-I am human after all. Such as the 10  day no sugar challenge between Thanksgiving & Christmas. I made it 5 days and decided that I missed my chocolate milk a little too much. I may try it again at some point, but not any time soon. I also fell just 50 miles short of my goal of 1,500 miles ran for the year, and that’s okay too.

On The Horizon

Goal to run 2,016 miles in 2016. That is entirely attainable, I just need to make a plan.

Training for and completing my first 100 miler. I have committed to this, so I will do it.

More trail runs. Knock off a few more states in my quest for a 1/2 or full  marathon in each state.

Meet more amazing people and be that person for others.

Continue to learn and grow as a person and find the beauty in every day.

I know people may get tired of hearing about my running, but how can one not talk about the thing that has made such a difference in one’s life? I often wonder what I would have been like if I had never made this incredible sport part of my life. I can honestly say in some regards, that running has saved my life. It has definitely saved my sanity. I hope everyone can find that sweet spot-whatever it may be, that helps them in their quest for health & happiness in 2016.

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie

Life is like an onion, you peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you cry – Les Brown

 

 

 

86,400 Seconds in a Day

Do you ever find yourself looking at the clock wondering where the day went or conversely wishing the day would hurry up and pass? Me-guilty as charged! We all have 24 hours/1,440 minutes/86,400 seconds in a day, yet so often we define our moments in life hourly by what we schedule into our day.

I am fortunate enough (though some may disagree) to have a 12 hour/3 day work week. This affords me the opportunity to schedule myself chunks of time off without using up vacation hours. This is a wonderful thing when training for races/traveling to those races, etc. But why is it that those same number of seconds at work (though I love my profession) seem to hang dauntingly over my head?

As I write this, I am sitting in bed on the first day of my 15 day fall vacation. Get this-I have no real/set in stone plans. I always take time off this time of year to get “caught up” (deep house cleaning, repairs, etc), spend time with my grown kids, and recharge the batteries. I have become more of a “live in the moment” type person & have tried not to be so rigid with inflexible plans the rest of the year. In other words, opportunities in life that may not happen again, trump shampooing carpets. Therefore, I sort of “fly by the seat of my pants” the prior 11 months.

One such impromptu event came on November third. Thankfully, I was scheduled off that day and could attend. This was one of the most memorable days in my life, when a small crowd of about 800,000 gathered for a little celebration of some “Boys In Blue” aka Kansas City Royals.

I used to be the sort of person that if there was a deadline, I would have whatever it was done two weeks in advance. I find myself these days more living in the moment, knowing I will still meet those deadlines. Don’t get me wrong-I was bred to be responsible, but am trying to wrap my head around what it is about those other 86,400 seconds on any given day that make them seem to drag.

Remember as a child when the time between Halloween and Christmas seemed like an eternity? That childlike concept of time, when everything was so concrete was very frustrating! But I am an adult who has abstract thought now, so why do some days seem to frustrate me so?

I truly want to enjoy every second of my life. Unrealistic you say? Maybe, but not if one is deliberate in that endeavor. One thing I enjoy doing is making people laugh. This involves being vulnerable and willing to embarrass myself at times. One hundred years from now, what difference does it make? You’re right-none, but for those few seconds it makes a difference in someone’s life. Laughter is good medicine. I have a song for every statement/question & I will be glad to sing it for you!

Okay that isn’t singing, and it’s not the 4th of July, but this guy makes me laugh (random)! Hope it brought a smile to your face as well.

I guess it all just boils down to choices. We have control over our thought life and how we spend/react to those 86,400 seconds. I want to choose positivity every day and to find the good/enjoyment in every situation and not just “endure” it. In the meantime, I am going to sip my coffee and make some not so rigid plans for the rest of my day.

On the horizon: 10k trail race this Saturday (11/21), Turkey trot on Thanksgiving Day, Epic Ultra 100 miler 4-2-16, with a few marathons Jan, Feb, March. I plan to enjoy, not just endure my journey to 100 miles.

What is it that you find yourself just “enduring” and why do you think that is?

Life is a journey from the cradle to the grave, make it a memorable one. Stay flexible and you just might get to attend a party with 800,000 others!

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie

 

 

Goodbye Summer, Hello Autumn & A Revised Life

Hope you like my new format. Can you guess my favorite color?

In The Zone

Have you ever had those times in your life when you were driving to your destination and suddenly you are there but don’t recall much of the drive?  Kind of freaky isn’t it? I have those times when I am out running as well. Those are the times when I am “in the zone” as a runner. They really are wonderful times as the miles fly by.

In The Zone

When The Past Was A Delusion

Delusion: 1. An idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument. 2. The action of deluding someone or the state of being deluded. (Google Search). My recent past has seemed sort of surreal. I like to think that I am an eternal optimist, but sometimes that can get me into trouble. Genuinely good people can be deluded by those who have self interest at heart. I have recently thought, “How did I get here?” Despite a crappy hiccup in my life’s journey, there were amazing times & lessons learned.

Amazing Times

These times included: qualifying & running the Boston Marathon, learning to kayak, running my 1st fifty miler, running 40 miles on a treadmill (not so fun, but I proved myself to myself), getting a PR in the 1/2 marathon (1:48 & some change), qualifying for & joining Half Fanatics, PR for a 5k (23:11 & some change), qualifying for Boston again unexpectedly, and giving my son in marriage to a wonderful girl. I also discovered how wonderful my co-workers were in my times of distress. I also discovered that the running community for the most part, are wonderful, helpful, encouraging people. I knew that already to a point, but getting to know more of them solidified my opinion.

First 50 Miler

Happy Couple

Lessons Learned:

1. If you set your mind to do something and you want it bad enough, it can be done. Most people do not want to put in the work and sacrifice to accomplish their dreams. They delude themselves into thinking that it will come without much effort & someone else will pick up the slack.

2. Divorce is painful under the best of circumstances. Even when it has been a long time coming. Remaining friends is bittersweet.

3. There are predators everywhere who do not have your best interest in mind. Being a trusting person opens oneself up to being used. Believe me when I say that you overlook (are deluded ) a LOT of things when someone plays with your heart. The cruelty of people can be unfathomable at times. Be careful of those who portray a façade to the world. Don’t get sucked in.

Allow Yourself To Be Human

Here are some resources for those of you who are with a questionable person or have been emotionally abused:

PeopleFinders.com

narcissistsupport.com

Ross Rosenberg on YouTube

So Here I Am

Life is an amazing adventure full of ups & downs, triumph and heartache. Mistakes do not define me. In running and in life-one foot in front of the other until I get to the finish line! Each day is a new beginning to improve & another chance to become more self aware. Is my guard up to a degree? Absolutely! I just keep setting goals for myself & dream big. I have 2 races on the calendar & am planning to do my first 100 miler in 2016. Hopefully grandbabies will be in the near future.

Here is a perfect poem for my life right now that I found on the “Golden Mirror” website

Release your ties to what once was.
When on the past you dwell,
By clinging to a distant cause,
It forms a binding spell.

Forget about what’s in the past,
For yesterday is gone.
Don’t center on what’s laid to rest.
Just look at what needs done.

Prefer delete above reverse.
The focus you present
Can break the paralyzing curse.
The future will enchant.

By letting go of times gone by,
It’s worry and concern,
And looking with an onwards eye,
The magic will return

~ Jerry Corstens

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie