May I be painfully honest? I have really not felt like running since Grandma’s Marathon on 6/18/16. In fact, I’ve really not felt like doing much of anything-except sleeping! It’s summer for goodness sake, what’s WRONG with me???
I tend to internalize crap that I shouldn’t. Like having a crappy race experience when I know I am capable of so much better! Oh there are other things like not hearing from my kids for weeks, worrying about my mother’s health, and thinking about the project I need to get done for work. Some things are out of my hands, this I realize. Other things, like knowing I should be training more (or better) are completely in my control!
I refuse to blame it on age, because I have always believed that age is a number. We get out of anything what we put into it. I know 90 year old people that have more energy and spunk than a lot of 40 year olds (and younger). I am definitely not a lazy person, but I have discovered that I am definitely one who gets bored easily. I thrive under pressure. I am always looking for that new experience and adventure.
I have never followed just ONE running plan. I tend to glean from a few different ones and adjust them to my schedule. I also admit, that as a nurse on my feet for 12 hours for 2 days in a row completely drains me mentally and physically. Running is usually my outlet, but then again, I have been in a rut of sorts.
So I decided that I needed something more. I need accountability to help me get through the rough spots. So once again, I hired a trainer to get me to the finish line of my next marathon pain free and under 4 hours. The last time I did this was early 2014 before my first Boston qualifier. It’s so easy to get lax when one doesn’t have someone pushing them and expecting more out of them. PLUS, when I have spent the $, I expect to get my money’s worth! It is definitely no quick fix. I MUST put in the work!
Variety is the key. I love being around people who are constantly trying to better themselves and do not accept mediocrity. The dumbing down of our society as a whole is so frustrating! I have mentioned before that I am SO thankful for the high school teachers who pushed me and didn’t let me get away with less than my best! I will forever be grateful for my college prep teacher who instilled in me a HUGE vocabulary!
So once again, discipline is key. July first will be the start of my training for the Marine Corps Marathon this fall. No more rest days when I need to be training. No more talking myself into less miles than I should be running. I need to “get out of my head” and be a little selfish with my time.
Would I like my kids to visit/contact me more? Certainly! Would I like for my mother to be completely healthy? Of course! But those are two things that are completely out of my control. What is in my control is the goals I have for myself and the steps it takes to get there. That means core work every day even when I’m sore and running when I don’t feel like it! 
Everyone experiences low spots in life, it is the human experience. Realizing that you are not alone is a major step to breaking out of ruts, no matter what it may be. Maybe it’s not running. Maybe it’s life in general. The news media certainly doesn’t help with making our world a cheery place. Depression is real. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is treatable, and you are not alone. You are not a weirdo or a freak of society.
This month marks 7 years that someone I was close to chose to take her life. She is missed every day and her contribution to society is forever gone. It doesn’t have to be this way. Reach out-there are people who truly care and can help you through this rough spot.
Sometimes we can get so down on ourselves that we can’t see the beauty of our lives for what it really is. ALL lives matter. Whatever you’re going through, don’t let it defeat you!
“I choose to be strong by being soft and pliable rather than inflexible, brittle, and hard.”–Affirmation by Wayne Dyer from Living the Wisdom of the Tao, verse 76
Hope to see you out on the road or trails!
Stephanie
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
Life Begins When You Let It 
It happens to all of us sometimes. I had a huge mental setback after bailing out of New Orleans. It took awhile to get back on track. This month I’ll be finishing with about 145 miles with 24 of 30 days on the road. But today I couldn’t force myself out there. Work Blah Blah Blah. Humidity Blah Blah Blah
But this Saturday I am starting with a coach to add the variety and perhaps some motivation. I feel pretty confident that I will get by the feeling of Blah and get back to enjoying the Road.
See You Sunday?
I will definitely be there Sunday!
I am the absolute worst for letting my life get the best of me. This is the reason for my continued weight gain, in part. I’m not doing the things that used to keep me in shape. I’m allowing myself to have too many excuses, and once you start doing that, it’s hard to break that cycle.
You should be proud of yourself for getting motivated and getting back in line to do something that’s important to you. If you had let yourself slack too long it would have only gotten harder. Good for you for getting motivated! It’s totally inspiring!
You are SO right! It’s so hard to talk ourselves out of stuff or come up with many excuses. I am typically not that person, but my “stinkin’ thinker” has gotten the best of me lately. Thanks for your encouraging comment!