Living in the Present; Reflecting on the Past (Part I)

Today was a day of firsts for many, in my town at least. It was the first day back to school after summer vacation. What??? Wait a minute. The calendar still says August and the thermometer is registering 90 degrees. In fact, I cut my planned seven mile run down to four today because I didn’t get out until 1:00 p.m. I truly do not understand the concept of starting school this early. What ever happened to starting the day after Labor Day?

Ah, the ponderables of life! I don’t know when the powers that be decided to start school in the middle of August, but for the record, I think it is ridiculous (Disclaimer: this is MY blog, with MY opinions. If you do not like what I say that is fine. Leave a comment and frankly my dear, I do NOT give one good DAMN)!

Okay, now that that is off my chest, let’s move on shall we? After seeing all the facebook posts of others’ back to school photos, I am SO thankful that that period of my life is over. It was fine at the time, because that was the season of life that I was in, but I do not miss it one iota! Thankfully, my kids are all grown and married. I have had an “empty nest” for quite some time. It is the natural flow of things.

I remember my first day of kindergarten. I DID NOT want to be there. I remember screaming and crying when my mom left. It was SO different than what kids experience now. It was in a little building called “Washington School.” Only kindergarten was held there. It was my first real social experience.

I can only recall a few things that happened there, like the boy eating the string when we were playing some game with marshmallows, and of course, the dreaded “nap time” on the mats. I always got in trouble for fidgeting and giggling. Such a concept, kindergarten.

At any rate, summer IS winding down. School starting at crazy times or not, some things never change and are not controlled my mankind. Take for instance this little guy:

I say “guy” because it is the male that makes the loud shrill droning noise. “He” got in my house and was very noisy! He was whisked out and I found him dead the next day out in the yard (it is an educated guess that it was him). That familiar noise of the cicada in this part of the good old U.S.A. is a familiar sound of the end of summer. I always thought they were cute little creatures. Those big old eyes had me at “hello!”

It got me to reflecting on other aspects of summer as a kid. I don’t mind extremely hot weather that much because I didn’t grow up with an air conditioner for a good portion of my childhood. When we did get it, it was a window unit that froze the room it was in, but the bedrooms were still relatively hot. What was central air? Fans were put in the hallway to try to blow the cooler air to the bedrooms. Being overly hot and going indoors was a real treat. I spent most of my time outdoors riding my bike, going on adventures in the woods, going to the pool, playing in the hose, catching snakes and toads, or just hanging out. It was the best of times. Then when the frigid window unit made me too cold, I would go back outside to get warmed up!

Drive In movies were always a fun summer thing to do. My mom would pop big paper grocery sacks full of popcorn, load up the neighborhood kids, and we’d all go to the drive in. My mom made sure we had a fun childhood to the best of her ability, even though she worked full time.

I think about my parents a lot and how they have affected my life. My mother was 20 years old when she married my dad on his 30th birthday. Ironically, I married the first time at 20 and my daughter recently got married at age 20. The apples don’t fall too far from the trees evidently. My mother gave me her wedding dress from 1958  and I have had their cake topper for many years.

I look at these two people and wonder what they saw in each other. I heard so many stories growing up from my paternal grandmother (who was my primary babysitter), but I was a child. I know that my dad was married once before, very briefly. My childhood was pretty turbulent. Though I love these two people very much, their legacy lives on in their children-some good, some bad. It is by trying to make sense of the past that I am trying to make sense of the present.

Come on this journey with me, won’t you? Maybe you can add to the tapestry that weaves itself together in this thing called life. Maybe we aren’t so different. Maybe we can learn from each other. I hope so.

I have 7 weekends of racing starting this weekend. Hope to see you out on the roads or trails!

Stephanie

Breaking Out Again (of this rut I’m in)

May  I be painfully honest? I have really not felt like running since Grandma’s Marathon on 6/18/16. In fact, I’ve really not felt like doing much of anything-except sleeping! It’s summer for goodness sake, what’s WRONG with me???

I tend to internalize crap that I shouldn’t. Like having a crappy race experience when I know I am capable of so much better! Oh there are other things like not hearing from my kids for weeks, worrying about my mother’s health, and thinking about the project I need to get done for work. Some things are out of my hands, this I realize. Other things, like knowing I should be training more (or better) are completely in my control!

I refuse to blame it on age, because I have always believed that age is a number. We get out of anything what we put into it. I know 90 year old people that have more energy and spunk than a lot of 40 year olds (and younger). I am definitely not a lazy person, but I have discovered that I am definitely one who gets bored easily. I thrive under pressure. I am always looking for that new experience and adventure.

I have never followed just ONE running plan. I tend to glean from a few different ones and adjust them to my schedule. I also admit, that as a nurse on my feet for 12 hours for 2 days in a row completely drains me mentally and physically. Running is usually my outlet, but then again, I have been in a rut of sorts.

So I decided that I needed something more. I need accountability to help me get through the rough spots. So once again, I hired a trainer to get me to the finish line of my next marathon pain free and under 4 hours. The last time I did this was early 2014 before my first Boston qualifier. It’s so easy to get lax when one doesn’t have someone pushing them and expecting more out of them. PLUS, when I have spent the $, I expect to get my money’s worth! It is definitely no quick fix. I MUST put in the work!

Variety is the key. I love being around people who are constantly trying to better themselves and do not accept mediocrity. The dumbing down of our society as a whole is so frustrating! I have mentioned before that I am SO thankful for the high school teachers who pushed me and didn’t let me get away with less than my best! I will forever be grateful for my college prep teacher who instilled in me a HUGE vocabulary!

So once again, discipline is key. July first will be the start of my training for the Marine Corps Marathon this fall. No more rest days when I need to be training. No more talking myself into less miles than I should be running. I need to “get out of my head” and be a little selfish with my time.

Would I like my kids to visit/contact me more? Certainly! Would I like for my mother to be completely healthy? Of course! But those are two things that are completely out of my control. What is in my control is the goals I have for myself and the steps it takes to get there. That means core work every day even when I’m sore and running when I don’t feel like it! 

Everyone experiences low spots in life, it is the human experience. Realizing that  you are not alone is a major step to breaking out of ruts, no matter what it may be. Maybe it’s not running. Maybe it’s life in general. The news media certainly doesn’t help with making our world a cheery place. Depression is real. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is treatable, and you are not alone. You are not a weirdo or a freak of society.

This month marks 7 years that someone I was close to chose to take her life. She is missed every day and her contribution to society is forever gone. It doesn’t have to be this way. Reach out-there are people who truly care and can help you through this rough spot.

Sometimes we can get so down on ourselves that we can’t see the beauty of our lives for what it really is. ALL lives matter. Whatever you’re going through, don’t let it defeat you!

“I choose to be strong by being soft and pliable rather than inflexible, brittle, and hard.”–Affirmation by Wayne Dyer from Living the Wisdom of the Tao, verse 76

Hope to see you out on the road or trails!

Stephanie

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

 

 

52 Reasons I Am Thankful For 52 Years

Ah, birthdays-some hate them, some love them. Well, consider the alternative & that is my #1 reason for being thankful. As birthday number fifty-two is coming up on April 5, I still have life in this body (even after a horrible bout with the flu which led to respiratory issues-blah)!

#2 My maternal great grandmother was a widow in her fifties and could not drive a car. I am thankful that I can drive a car, and a truck, and a stick shift, & that I have two of the three.

#3 I am thankful that my parents never abused me and had my best interests at heart even though they were imperfect people.

#4 I am thankful that I grew up in an era when respect & manners were high priority and a foundation for a successful life.

#5 I am thankful that my teachers pushed me to be my best and academics were not “dumbed down” to accommodate those who did not care & did not try.

#6 I am thankful for all of the whoopins’ I got that broke my will, but not my spirit. I am a better person for it.

#7 I am thankful that I know what a rotary phone is, lol!

#8 I am thankful that I know what America’s top 40 with Casey Kasem is, The Midnight Special with Wolfman Jack is, and was alive when video killed the radio star.

#9 I am thankful that I lived through the original vinyl albums, 8-track tapes, cassettes, and saw the advent of CDs and digital music.

#10 While on the subject of music, I am thankful that I grew up listening to pure, raw talent with the likes of Johnny Cash, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, Journey, Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Kansas, REO, Pat Benatar, & Sebastian Bach…just to name a few.

#11 I am thankful that I had my first “real” job at age 15 (babysitting before that), and that I had to earn my own money to buy my first car AND pay the insurance. It taught me responsibility and to take care of my belongings because they weren’t just “given” or “entitled.”

#12 I am thankful that my mother instilled a strong worth ethic in me.

#13 I am thankful that I still have my mother.

#14 I am thankful that I had my dad for almost 80 years of his life and 45 of mine. The rascal chose to depart the earth on Father’s Day in 2007. He always had a dry sense of humor!

#15 I am thankful that I inherited my dad’s dry humor. Some may not understand my humor, but it has kept me sane & kept me from crying a lot of times.

#16 I am thankful that I reside in America where (so far), women can pursue their dreams.

#17 I am thankful that I never missed a meal. It may have been Miracle Whip or Spam sandwiches, fried bologna, deviled ham, goulash and plenty of mac & cheese growing up, but my stomach was never empty.

#18 I am thankful that I grew up with no air conditioning, then a window unit that froze me out of the room it was in, but made the rest of the house sort of hot. I didn’t die.

#19 I am thankful for that doctor who got the needle out of my butt when I was sick at 5 yrs. old (I stiffened up), the nail out of my foot, and who assured my mother that I would outgrow “wetting the bed.”

#20 I’m thankful that I DID outgrow “wetting the bed!” LOL!

#21 I’m thankful that my older brother did not kill me.

#22 I’m thankful that I could play outside long after dark without fear of harm.

#23 I’m thankful that I walked to and from Jr. High and never got abducted. Stranger danger was not an issue.

#24 I’m thankful that I was a tomboy and collected frogs and snakes in a Mason jar and wasn’t afraid to have a turtle for a day and then let it go (as well as the frogs & snakes).

#25 I’m thankful that I had pets growing up and was taught what it took to care for them.

#26 I’m thankful that I got to experience the loss of those pets in a safe atmosphere. It taught me that nothing lasts forever.

#27 I’m thankful that I had to create my own entertainment as a child and became an avid reader with a HUGE imagination.

#28 I am thankful for books…hard copy

#29 I am thankful that I was a fat kid (what)? It taught me to be an empathetic adult and to understand what it is like to be the last picked at kickball and not be in the “popular” group.

#30 I am thankful that I hope I will NEVER be in the “popular” group!

#31 I am thankful that I held the vision/dream in my heart since age 5 in kindergarten, to be a nurse.

#32 I am thankful that I graduated with honors in ALL of my nursing programs after returning to school as the “non-traditional” student (thank you Weenie Ward and your college prep class in high school)!

#33 I am thankful that both of my sons got to witness my graduation from my Bachelor of Science in Nursing Program in 2006.#34 I am thankful that both of my boys are successful in their endeavors & that both had beautiful weddings to wonderful girls.#35 I am thankful that despite my daughter’s rebellion, I have faith that one day she will see the light and realize that I am not the bad guy!

#36 I am thankful that I have a great job.

#37 I am thankful that I own my own home

#38 I am thankful that I have the certain neighbors that keep a watch over me and mine.

#39 I am thankful that despite being a fat, non-athletic kid, that I have found my niche in running.#40 I am thankful that despite the naysayers, I qualified and ran Boston and will return there in 2017.

#41 I am thankful that despite a few setbacks, I am for the most part, healthy.

#42 I am thankful for all of the people that running has brought into my life.

#43 I am thankful for all of the people that running has reacquainted me with.

#44 I am thankful for all of the running greats that I have met through this glorious sport.

#45 I am thankful for my whirlpool tub and for a bed to lay my head on after running.

#46 I am thankful for the love/hate relationship that I have with my foam roller.

#47 I am thankful for body glide.

#48 I am thankful for the Sunday Runday group and for 2 mile aid stations.

#49 I am thankful that winter doesn’t last forever.

#50 I am thankful that I got to see the Kansas City Royals win the World Series TWICE in my lifetime!

#51 I am thankful that I am finally comfortable in my own skin and honestly DO NOT care what others think of me. I refuse to play games and pretend to be something I’m not. I’m “popular” with me and I have to live with me, so there it is.#52 I am thankful that despite all of my failures and short comings, God knows my heart and that it doesn’t matter one iota what others have said, done, or expect of me. I am NOT a conformist. I think for myself and form my own conclusions. If one can’t/won’t accept that in me… “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!” -Famous quote from “Gone With the Wind.”

Hope to see you out on the roads or trails,

Stephanie

 

When Life Gives You Lemons

I’m sure we have all heard the various takes on this phrase- make lemonade, add vodka, etc. I don’t particularly hate lemons although they can leave a sour taste in the mouth. I’m pretty sure that is what the author of this phrase meant in regards to something that can be distasteful or disappointing.

My last post I was entering my last 27 days of training before taking on 100 miles. My last long run was exactly 2 weeks ago-a 20 miler that felt sluggish at best and left me feeling really beat up. I could have blamed it on the intense wind that day or the fact that is was day 3 of back to back long runs, but that was not the case as I was soon to discover.

Enter The Lemons: I awoke the next day ready to go to work but feeling a bit “off.” I thought I was just a little sore from the intense 3 day runs so I arrived to work ready to tough it out. Have you ever had one of those “pseudo reality” experiences? Like arriving at your destination without recollection of how you got there? I sort of felt like I was floating and then the intense chills/rigors/body aches set in. I left after 30 minutes, realizing I was going to be a worthless nurse that day.

I seldom miss work, but for the next three days I was behaving something like this:

Baby Rex the Chihuahua

Needing a Dr. excuse for the 3rd day of missed work, I embarked on urgent care for the first time. Nasal swab confirmed influenza B. So much for mandatory flu vaccines. I have honestly not been that sick since the early 90s. The body aches were so intense that I could NOT get comfortable no matter what I did. I maxed out on ibuprofen and took Tylenol for the first time in at least 15 years. I soaked through bed sheets at least three times a night for 4-5 nights. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E! By Saturday (day 5), it had settled into my lungs/chest and every cough felt like I was going to hack up a lung and felt like an inferno in my lungs. The thick, green phlegm that came up (sorry) told me that I was now sporting a good bacterial infection that was not going to go away without antibiotics.

Urgent Care Trip Two: Having been there once, I thought, “Okay, this will be a breeze. I’ll tell them what I need (after all I AM an RN), they’ll write me a prescription for an antibiotic, and I’ll be on my way and feeling better in about 48 hours.” I can now appreciate when patients say that doctors don’t listen to them. The “full of himself” physician told me that he was sure that it was viral and that I did not need an antibiotic. I’m so glad that he came to this conclusion without a chest x-ray or sputum sample. Holy crap-me knowing my own body and what it needs surely was not enough! I left with a prescription for steroids and tessalon pearls because CLEARLY the doctor knows best! The ONLY reason that I filled the prednisone was because I had also developed an itchy rash on my chest & on both ankles and I knew that steroids would calm that down. I did not fill the tessalon pearls because I hate taking medication that makes me feel loopy. It was only to suppress the cough anyway. The fact that he would not listen and almost insisted that I smoked (asking 3 times) left a REALLY sour taste in my mouth. Talk about lemons!

What is a nurse to do when she has to return to work the following Monday. She takes matters in her own hands and uses the internet to get what she wants. I’m pretty sure that feeling like I was drowning, not being able to breathe and wheezing was indicative of something more serious to which an antibiotic would be effective. Long story short, I got my antibiotic and within 48 hours was feeling much better although the cough seems to be hanging on without the burn. For all I know, I could have had a touch of pneumonia or RSV. I was never checked for either. What I DO know is that I NEVER want to be that sick again. I’m pretty sure my body could have fought it off after being exposed to the germs at work, but doing those back to back long runs expended all of the energy that was needed to fight it. Who knew?

Lemons. The two things I love doing the most -running and eating, I could have cared less about. I missed key training runs leading up to the ultra. The weather here in Missouri has been bipolar lately with cold, damp mornings and chilly, windy days. I have since started running again on my treadmill, embracing it like an old friend. I am not going to run outside until the weather levels out. It’s just not worth the risk of relapse.

Not quite 2 weeks, but close

Lemons. Where does this leave my ultra? I had at first bumped down to the 50 miler, contacting the race director who was gracious enough to do that for me. But as of this writing, my gut is telling me that although I know I could do it (12 days away & I am THAT stubborn), it would probably not be the best decision. The long range forecast is calling for low 40s that morning with a high in the 50s. Normally great running weather, but not when one has another week of antibiotics to take, sweating and cooling off in those temps would not be wise. Weird to be side-lined by illness instead of injury.

One of my greatest pet peeves as a nurse is non-compliant patients. I have to practice what I preach, and putting my body through that much stress when I have been the sickest I have been in 20 years would be a foolish decision. I missed a Shamrock 5k I was registered for as well. So unfortunately, I will take the big DNS (Did Not Start). This decision was not made lightly and is definitely disappointing.

Good Advice

My focus will now turn to training & being completely healthy for Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth this June with some of my fabulous running group friends. I will also run the Hospital Hill 1/2 Marathon this year having not ran it for several years. I’ll see how many other states I can knock off over the summer with the half marathon & do some more trail runs. Will I sign up for another 100? I don’t know. It is a HUGE time commitment. At this point I am happy just to be able to breathe and feel like myself again.

Enjoy the journey

 

That makes me happier than three turtles sunning on a log!

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

Living, Dying, & Finding 100

Recent thoughts going into my final 27 days of training

Let’s start with living. Take a deep breath in. Do you feel that? That is life in it’s purest form. No breath, no life. It’s the basic component of CPR-the ABCs- Airway, Breathing, Circulation. You have to have an airway to breath. Ventilators can breathe for you, but eventually you must breathe on your own, or it is shut off & you die. Take another deep breath. Relax & let the stress melt away. You are alive.

I think it was Les Brown who said, “Some folks are dead at 25, but not buried until they are 85.” I love this metaphor as it describes so many who just “settle” for existing. They are born, go to school, get a job (or not), retire, and wait to die. Their dreams, hopes, and talents are buried with them. They are the naysayers, the ones who don’t believe in themselves even when no one else will. They give up and settle. They never go outside of their comfort zone.

Now, I’m not saying to be irresponsible. Heck, in this day & age of entitlement, we need more responsibility. What if we all took a few more risks? You will never no how far you can go until you push yourself. Don’t die while you are still alive. Here’s one I’ve used before, but is worth repeating:

Live Your Life

On dying: Was is Star Trek that always started with, “Space the Final Frontier?” I personally don’t believe that is true. I think death is the final frontier. What is left after that? Despite one’s beliefs on the afterlife, it is permanent and the one thing that we cannot control. We are all going to die. Many do not want to believe or accept that. That is why it is so hard to sell life insurance & why many a family is left to pick up the pieces and sort things out after the fact.

Many die way too young. So much living left to do, so much heartache left for those who loved them. Their chances are over. Just. like. that. Human nature, or selfishness (human nature), or the “I’ve got time” mentality makes one think that one will always be there. Words left unsaid, fences left un-mended, & “one of these days” are gone forever.

A tale of two women:

2/24/2016 a young woman left this world unexpectedly. I’m sure when she awoke that morning that the thought that she would perish that day never crossed her mind. So tragic, so sad, no time to say goodbye, just gone. I met this young woman when she was seven years old. She died way too young at the age of 40. Her facebook post from the previous day, almost exactly 24 hours to the time of the accident was this:

We all have a departure date

A few days ago a friend called to tell me that a former co-worker was in the hospital and got devastating news out of the blue that she had inoperable cancer. In fact, it is so bad that they could not distinguish one organ from another when they opened her up. The only symptom she had was stomach swelling. The medical professionals have given her 3-4 months to live before her departure date. She herself is one of the finest medical professionals I know, and she taught me a lot about being a nurse. Tragic-yes. Still young by today’s standards of longevity in her early sixties. Yet she has the advantage of getting her affairs in order and saying her goodbyes.

 

Finding 100

As my training is winding down for the Epic Ultra 100, I have struggled to get things just right. Finding the right pace per mile has been one of the issues that has been difficult. Not too fast-definitely not too fast. Yet for someone who has always strived for speed, it has been a challenge wrapping my head around this. It is almost painful to go too slow, but I know this is what must be done to go the distance. So far, I have varied between an 11-12 minute pace and that has seemed to work even with 30 second walks every 4.5 minutes. I know I should slow down even more. I will hit my longest training run on 3/19 of 50 miles-2 weeks before the Ultra. Other struggles have been getting nutrition just right, strengthening my core/hips, and adjusting to carrying 2 liters on my back. At best, I am mentally prepared & I am determined that the other things will just fall into place.

LIVING: Had anyone told me a few years ago that I would be running 100 miles, I would have laughed. But that has been with so many other things in my life as well. I have chosen not to die while still living and breathing. There is so much more living left to do. I am a risk taker & an adventure seeker. I have goals and hopefully will inspire others along the way.

DYING: I realize that I have no control over when my number is up, but I sincerely have tried to leave no regrets. Nor do I have control over how others choose to respond to me, leaving words left unsaid. That is for them to deal with when the time comes, but my mind is at peace. It requires dying to self, self-righteousness, pride, & ego. Sadly, many people would rather hang on to their need to “be right” than to “make things right” with others.

Metaphorically speaking-what will it take to find your 100? Is there a phone call you need to make? A debt you need to pay? A visit, a card? A vacation you’ve been meaning to take? A talent that needs to be unleashed? The chance for “one of these days” may never come.

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

The Unfettered Life Part II (Burying Dead Things)

Unfettered: Not controlled or restricted; free, unrestrained (Google search, Merriam-Webster).

We are born into this world not by choice, but by chance. Out of the millions of sperm that don’t reach an egg, we are the product of that ONE that makes it & fertilization takes place. We have no control over whom we are born to or where we are born. We have no control over how we are raised. Our worlds for a time are dictated by our parents’ beliefs. They do the best they can with the knowledge & experience they possess. We see the world for a limited time through their lenses.

Example: Both of my parents smoked cigarettes. As a small child with concrete thoughts, I assumed everyone’s parents smoked. I cringe now to think how much I must have reeked of second hand smoke when I went to school each day. I didn’t know much about what went on outside the walls of my childhood home, my grandmother’s house, and my neighborhood. My grandmother babysat me & my brother while my parents worked. We had bacon & fried eggs every morning. Bologna, Spam, deviled ham, canned spaghetti Os, ravioli, or soup were the lunch offerings. Occasionally grandma would make a meatloaf, goulash, or fried chicken. Again, I thought this was the norm. I really had no choice in what to eat except maybe between tomato soup or chicken noodle. I had a lot of stomach issues as a child-hmm, I wonder why?

Where am I going with this you ask? To make the statement that I had no say in most of my day to day happenings. I was restricted & didn’t have the freedom of choice. As I grew older and started thinking more abstractly, I started seeing things through my own lens. Much to my parent’s dismay, I chose the music I liked, clothing, & hobbies. I had some freedom. But as I still lived under their roof, they still had the final say in a lot of things. I suppose that’s why I rebelled and got married at a young age. But that is the subject for another blog.

My point is this: The past is the past. My dad is deceased and my mother no longer has control over what I do. That is just an example to segue into part two of this blog (if you missed part one, go back and read it). We grow up, we form thoughts based on our experiences, learning, and hopefully research. This is America and we have the luxury of making our own choices and having our own preferences. I may not agree with you and vice versa. That is okay. My best friendships are based on the “agree to disagree” model about certain things. I value those people. On occasion, either I or they are enlightened to each other’s way of thinking or see something from a different angle. We in no way chastise each other or treat each other like the children we once were. That is called tolerance. I am always seeking to understand another’s point of view.

So here it is-my response in it’s original form (I had to put together the screen shots) to the one who thought he needed to reprimand me for my choice of favorite football team:

So there you have it. The answer to an egotistical male who was “disappointed” in my posts (translated-I am not the submissive robot he thought I should be). I am clearly over shallow people/friendships. I can get along with anybody. I will have an adult, meaningful debate/conversation with anyone. But the minute you talk down to me and treat me like a child (especially when hiding behind the keyboard), we have nothing left to discuss. The exchange is as dead as the dog buried in my backyard.

For far too long I lived to please other people and lost myself in the process. When I was a child, I often longed for my mother to be a “stay at home mom” like some of my other friends’ mothers. In hindsight, I am so glad that she wasn’t because I learned to stand on my own two feet. We don’t always see eye to eye, but that woman doesn’t take crap off of anyone!

Our culture either buries or burns the dead. Sadly, some friendships/relationships are meant to be buried as well before rigor mortis and the stench of death sets in permeating the psyche.

When I started this blog, my goal was to maybe help & inspire others. I had no idea exactly the direction it would take. I had hoped that folks could see that aging is not a bad thing and to never stop dreaming. We are all on this giant planet called earth, and none of us gets out of here alive. Set those goals and live life to the fullest every single day. Get healthy so you can do just that. For me, part of getting and staying healthy is avoiding negativity when it tries to creep into my life. Part one and two of this blog was to bring awareness to the many ways that people can try to control you. I refuse to let others make me feel bad. If you don’t like this blog, don’t read it. There are plenty of others out there to suit your needs. Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you don’t like it!

I love Lucille Ball-another strong, successful woman. On that note, I will bury this subject and get on with running posts and updates for the next few blogs. Spring races are right around the corner! Stay safe, stay strong, and don’t let the asshats get you down!

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie

 

The Unfettered Life

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”- Hans Hofmann (20th century painter)

Elimination-The process of getting rid of or removing something (Google search). Wow, I don’t know about you, but that can certainly apply to a LOT of things in my life. In fact, I have been on a demolition of sorts trying to get rid of clutter. It seems like it procreates as I sleep. All of the “stuff” seems to weigh me down in one way or another. If I don’t control it, it will control me in the form of moving it around, cleaning/maintaining it, or just “stuffing the stuff!” Out of sight, out of mind. It’s one thing to eliminate tangible items, but it is truly another to remove toxic attitudes & those associated with them when one’s character is attacked.

Disclaimer: I am NOT talking about opinion. Opinion (noun) 1. A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. 2. An estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something. Synonyms: belief, judgment, viewpoint, outlook, stance, position, perspective, persuasion, standpoint. EVERYONE has an opinion on EVERYTHING. We could debate this to infinity and beyond, but this is not a debate. Lest I get off on a rabbit trail, this does not cover obvious black & white things like an orange is orange or day versus night. If someone looked at one of my dogs and said it was a cat, then they are obviously crazy or blind! One’s perspective becomes their reality which eventually forms their opinion.

We live in a constantly changing world system. Some things have changed for the better, others not so much. It has been my observation that in some instances, with some people, that the mindset of “women should be seen and not heard” still exists, especially when it comes to sports. Now before you start forming an opinion & think I am an uber feminist (shitty label), stick with me for just a few, um, er, paragraphs.

I do not understand the mindset that ANYONE has to like, favor, adore, the sports teams of their locale. This is America after all. I have pretty much lived in the Midwest all of my life with a few excursions to the East & West coasts. I like, favor, adore the Kansas City Royals because they were a significant part of my childhood & baseball is just a fun, family type of sport (my opinion). I really did not pay too much attention to football until adulthood and most recently over the past several years. I am not a Kansas City Chiefs fan and much to my dismay, shock, chagrin, I have been ostracized for it to a degree.

I shall explain: I started watching football a few years back when my youngest son for whatever reason became a Denver Broncos fan. The boy was all in and has never waivered. We associate and form bonds with those things that are great memories and make us feel all “warm and fuzzy.” Hence, my love for the KC Royals. His room was decked out in everything Broncos. I even made him a Broncos chair ’cause I’m crafty like that, lol. Whether they knew it or not, my kids opened up worlds to me that I would never have dreamed of before. Such was also the case with the Lord of the Rings and Narnia movies. So when people chastise me for something that holds deep meaning for me, it tends to start to get under my skin.

Enter social media: I have stated previously that social media can be a great tool or a weapon for “keyboard warriors” who would not dream of saying to someone’s face what they blab in cyber space. When Denver defeated Seattle securing their spot in the Super Bowl, I posted a lovely portrait of Peyton Manning. Some found it necessary to jump on MY timeline with rude statements. Then the hcg allegations came out and butt hurt fans of other teams felt it necessary to try to destroy a good man’s character. I don’t know any more than anyone else about the validity of all of that. When the accuser came out and said he made all of it up, I posted a pic of Peyton’s stats with the statement, “go ahead and hate all of you haters, win or lose, he is the man the legend.” (a statement of opinion, not bait).

Now some of my testosterone driven, butt hurt male classmates took it as an invitation to try to start an argument. I never once said anything demeaning about their team. In fact, I praised the contributions of Tom Brady. But, I guess they thought they needed to “shut the little woman up.” Enter this messenger notice at 0342 on January 26, 2016. Never mind that it woke me up as I leave my phone on due to an elderly mother!

I woke up, briefly read it, texted, “thanks dad” and went back to sleep. When I awoke the next morning, I was able to see how contemptuous and oozing with testosterone and misogyny  it was. Would he dare say this to one of his male friends? And to get this straight, he was a classmate in high school who was at best, an acquaintance. We didn’t hang out, we didn’t date. We were in maybe one theatrical performance together & we all reconnected at the last class reunion. I value very few peoples’ OPINIONS and his is definitely not one of them! You’re dying to know my reply aren’t you? Well, okay…

Not really, but it is several paragraphs long. You’ll have to wait for another blog for the response. My point is this: In my OPINION, respect is so lacking in our society that it is sickening. We talk so much about tolerance that maybe team preference tolerance should be addressed.

Closing thoughts: I am not a “sheeple” I can think for myself. When you set boundaries, people don’t like it because they can’t control you anymore. I was once a shy, demure person who would never take up for myself. I am proud of my assertiveness. When you eliminate clutter, toxic material, and toxic people from your life, your perception changes & your mind clears. I have a lot of thinking time out on my long runs with just me and nature and my mind is becoming increasingly clear.

“Time makes you bolder, children get older, I’m getting older too…” (Landslide-Stevie Nicks)

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie

86,400 Seconds in a Day

Do you ever find yourself looking at the clock wondering where the day went or conversely wishing the day would hurry up and pass? Me-guilty as charged! We all have 24 hours/1,440 minutes/86,400 seconds in a day, yet so often we define our moments in life hourly by what we schedule into our day.

I am fortunate enough (though some may disagree) to have a 12 hour/3 day work week. This affords me the opportunity to schedule myself chunks of time off without using up vacation hours. This is a wonderful thing when training for races/traveling to those races, etc. But why is it that those same number of seconds at work (though I love my profession) seem to hang dauntingly over my head?

As I write this, I am sitting in bed on the first day of my 15 day fall vacation. Get this-I have no real/set in stone plans. I always take time off this time of year to get “caught up” (deep house cleaning, repairs, etc), spend time with my grown kids, and recharge the batteries. I have become more of a “live in the moment” type person & have tried not to be so rigid with inflexible plans the rest of the year. In other words, opportunities in life that may not happen again, trump shampooing carpets. Therefore, I sort of “fly by the seat of my pants” the prior 11 months.

One such impromptu event came on November third. Thankfully, I was scheduled off that day and could attend. This was one of the most memorable days in my life, when a small crowd of about 800,000 gathered for a little celebration of some “Boys In Blue” aka Kansas City Royals.

I used to be the sort of person that if there was a deadline, I would have whatever it was done two weeks in advance. I find myself these days more living in the moment, knowing I will still meet those deadlines. Don’t get me wrong-I was bred to be responsible, but am trying to wrap my head around what it is about those other 86,400 seconds on any given day that make them seem to drag.

Remember as a child when the time between Halloween and Christmas seemed like an eternity? That childlike concept of time, when everything was so concrete was very frustrating! But I am an adult who has abstract thought now, so why do some days seem to frustrate me so?

I truly want to enjoy every second of my life. Unrealistic you say? Maybe, but not if one is deliberate in that endeavor. One thing I enjoy doing is making people laugh. This involves being vulnerable and willing to embarrass myself at times. One hundred years from now, what difference does it make? You’re right-none, but for those few seconds it makes a difference in someone’s life. Laughter is good medicine. I have a song for every statement/question & I will be glad to sing it for you!

Okay that isn’t singing, and it’s not the 4th of July, but this guy makes me laugh (random)! Hope it brought a smile to your face as well.

I guess it all just boils down to choices. We have control over our thought life and how we spend/react to those 86,400 seconds. I want to choose positivity every day and to find the good/enjoyment in every situation and not just “endure” it. In the meantime, I am going to sip my coffee and make some not so rigid plans for the rest of my day.

On the horizon: 10k trail race this Saturday (11/21), Turkey trot on Thanksgiving Day, Epic Ultra 100 miler 4-2-16, with a few marathons Jan, Feb, March. I plan to enjoy, not just endure my journey to 100 miles.

What is it that you find yourself just “enduring” and why do you think that is?

Life is a journey from the cradle to the grave, make it a memorable one. Stay flexible and you just might get to attend a party with 800,000 others!

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie

 

 

I’m Back

Hello my friends, followers, haters, and/or admirers!

I realized my last post was in May, one month after Boston Marathon. So much has happened since then, I don’t even know where to begin. So I’ll start with running. Yes, running- my drug, my therapy, my go to for solving life’s problems, and my absolute favorite thing to do. Yes FAVORITE thing to do! If I have a choice between many options, I will always choose running!

I had registered for a half marathon in May. Actually, I had won the entry for winning my age group for this same run last September. Unfortunately, I had an injury that prevented me from running this race. Stupid, clumsy me jammed my foot into the leg of the bed trying to rush to shut an open window during a rainstorm. Needless to say, the leg didn’t move! So broken third toe on right foot became my injury that side lined me for about 6 weeks and prevented me from doing this run. I felt extremely bad about this because I had invited a friend to run it with me & now I couldn’t do it. Most people would understand, but I was put to the test that day and I left there bewildered as to why a true friend would test me like that. Oh well, I had an absolute BLAST cheering on all of the 5k peeps who came through. I even met a runchat friend & caught up with another friend from previous races. Nursing injuries is hard when you can’t do what you love most-run!

As my injury improved, I was able to start running again and start training for the Nebraska State Fair marathon I registered for coming up on August 29. It felt good being able to get out there again and do what I now feel that I was born to do. Runs were slow and gradual, but I never gave up. During this time, I also gave my eldest son up to a wonderful woman in marriage. It was a joyous time as the two became one.

Mother/Son dance

I’m pretty sure I have the BEST sons in the world! It was even more special because a special friend was able to attend with me and was a great help in setting up and with photos.

When does a special friend become MORE than a friend? I wish I knew. All I know is that you can’t make/force people to believe you, trust you, and open themselves up to you. All you can do is to be yourself and hope for the best. Unfortunately, too many times, there is GREAT misunderstanding and often the people you love the most, hurt you the most. There is a phrase in psychology that states, “If you spot it, you’ve got it.” Which basically means, you choose to point out & hate in others what you yourself possess.  It is ok to point out that fault in others, but many do not want to look at and admit that they have that same fault. When you do point it out to them, you are labeled as “mean” and a terrible person!

July 4th was a great day as I PR’d a “Four on the 4th” race and took 3rd in my age group. I had been doing more running with the Sunday running group and it helped me tremendously to try to keep up with the “fast” guys. Unfortunately, I am unable to run with them every week because I have a Sunday work commitment at my job. But my runs are consistent and very much a part of my life. Seldom do I go more than 2 days w/o a run. It is all just discipline really. I set my alarm a little earlier on days that I work and get on the treadmill. It really has improved my attitude and set the tone for my day.

So much in life is out of our control. Take the news for instance. They THRIVE on negativity and sensationalism. Some sadly, is truth. My heart hurt when the Bill Cosby ordeal came to light. One more reason not to put your hope/faith in people. People will let you down EVERY time. Even the ones who you really believe never will.

As summer is winding down, it is hard for me to believe that school will be starting soon for many. Not having school age children is kind of a weird feeling sometimes when I see all of the school supplies in the stores. The end of summer was always a bittersweet time.

My Kansas City Royals have been doing great, yet at this writing they are in a slump of sorts and have now lost 4 games in a row. It really doesn’t matter as they have been part of my life since I was a kid. Some of my fondest memories are going out to the stadium and/or listening to a game on the radio as I drifted off to sleep. Actually it was my dad who did the listening, I just tailgated!

Forever Fan

So as time goes on, and as I have lived, loved, learned, and lost, I have decided that the most important person to take care of is me. Kind of like how they instruct parents on an airplane to put the oxygen on themselves first so they are able to take care of their children. My mental health is important. My physical health is important. My spiritual health is important. For goodness sakes, I know all of this-I’m a nurse!  Caregivers and those who care deeply are often the worst at taking care of themselves.

So the other day, I decided to splurge and go get a gel manicure. I had never had a manicure in my life. The Asian lady was wonderful and she talked me into a pedicure (with my UGLY runners toes)! It was delightful and I can’t believe I have waited 51 years to be pampered like that!  I have historically always been the one who wants to do the pampering. So now I have Kansas City Royals blue fingernails & toenails. This may become my new splurge. What have you denied yourself because of splurging on others? You are worth it. Don’t deny yourself any longer. Especially you single working women/mothers. Take care of you and you will be a better person for it. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel inferior. You are special and important no matter what cutting remarks others say about you, or what they choose to believe. Every run makes me believe this more. What empowers you?

I always said I had this hidden reservoir of strength and power, and it came from running.”

–Sugar Ray Leonard

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie