When Life Gives You Lemons

I’m sure we have all heard the various takes on this phrase- make lemonade, add vodka, etc. I don’t particularly hate lemons although they can leave a sour taste in the mouth. I’m pretty sure that is what the author of this phrase meant in regards to something that can be distasteful or disappointing.

My last post I was entering my last 27 days of training before taking on 100 miles. My last long run was exactly 2 weeks ago-a 20 miler that felt sluggish at best and left me feeling really beat up. I could have blamed it on the intense wind that day or the fact that is was day 3 of back to back long runs, but that was not the case as I was soon to discover.

Enter The Lemons: I awoke the next day ready to go to work but feeling a bit “off.” I thought I was just a little sore from the intense 3 day runs so I arrived to work ready to tough it out. Have you ever had one of those “pseudo reality” experiences? Like arriving at your destination without recollection of how you got there? I sort of felt like I was floating and then the intense chills/rigors/body aches set in. I left after 30 minutes, realizing I was going to be a worthless nurse that day.

I seldom miss work, but for the next three days I was behaving something like this:

Baby Rex the Chihuahua

Needing a Dr. excuse for the 3rd day of missed work, I embarked on urgent care for the first time. Nasal swab confirmed influenza B. So much for mandatory flu vaccines. I have honestly not been that sick since the early 90s. The body aches were so intense that I could NOT get comfortable no matter what I did. I maxed out on ibuprofen and took Tylenol for the first time in at least 15 years. I soaked through bed sheets at least three times a night for 4-5 nights. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E! By Saturday (day 5), it had settled into my lungs/chest and every cough felt like I was going to hack up a lung and felt like an inferno in my lungs. The thick, green phlegm that came up (sorry) told me that I was now sporting a good bacterial infection that was not going to go away without antibiotics.

Urgent Care Trip Two: Having been there once, I thought, “Okay, this will be a breeze. I’ll tell them what I need (after all I AM an RN), they’ll write me a prescription for an antibiotic, and I’ll be on my way and feeling better in about 48 hours.” I can now appreciate when patients say that doctors don’t listen to them. The “full of himself” physician told me that he was sure that it was viral and that I did not need an antibiotic. I’m so glad that he came to this conclusion without a chest x-ray or sputum sample. Holy crap-me knowing my own body and what it needs surely was not enough! I left with a prescription for steroids and tessalon pearls because CLEARLY the doctor knows best! The ONLY reason that I filled the prednisone was because I had also developed an itchy rash on my chest & on both ankles and I knew that steroids would calm that down. I did not fill the tessalon pearls because I hate taking medication that makes me feel loopy. It was only to suppress the cough anyway. The fact that he would not listen and almost insisted that I smoked (asking 3 times) left a REALLY sour taste in my mouth. Talk about lemons!

What is a nurse to do when she has to return to work the following Monday. She takes matters in her own hands and uses the internet to get what she wants. I’m pretty sure that feeling like I was drowning, not being able to breathe and wheezing was indicative of something more serious to which an antibiotic would be effective. Long story short, I got my antibiotic and within 48 hours was feeling much better although the cough seems to be hanging on without the burn. For all I know, I could have had a touch of pneumonia or RSV. I was never checked for either. What I DO know is that I NEVER want to be that sick again. I’m pretty sure my body could have fought it off after being exposed to the germs at work, but doing those back to back long runs expended all of the energy that was needed to fight it. Who knew?

Lemons. The two things I love doing the most -running and eating, I could have cared less about. I missed key training runs leading up to the ultra. The weather here in Missouri has been bipolar lately with cold, damp mornings and chilly, windy days. I have since started running again on my treadmill, embracing it like an old friend. I am not going to run outside until the weather levels out. It’s just not worth the risk of relapse.

Not quite 2 weeks, but close

Lemons. Where does this leave my ultra? I had at first bumped down to the 50 miler, contacting the race director who was gracious enough to do that for me. But as of this writing, my gut is telling me that although I know I could do it (12 days away & I am THAT stubborn), it would probably not be the best decision. The long range forecast is calling for low 40s that morning with a high in the 50s. Normally great running weather, but not when one has another week of antibiotics to take, sweating and cooling off in those temps would not be wise. Weird to be side-lined by illness instead of injury.

One of my greatest pet peeves as a nurse is non-compliant patients. I have to practice what I preach, and putting my body through that much stress when I have been the sickest I have been in 20 years would be a foolish decision. I missed a Shamrock 5k I was registered for as well. So unfortunately, I will take the big DNS (Did Not Start). This decision was not made lightly and is definitely disappointing.

Good Advice

My focus will now turn to training & being completely healthy for Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth this June with some of my fabulous running group friends. I will also run the Hospital Hill 1/2 Marathon this year having not ran it for several years. I’ll see how many other states I can knock off over the summer with the half marathon & do some more trail runs. Will I sign up for another 100? I don’t know. It is a HUGE time commitment. At this point I am happy just to be able to breathe and feel like myself again.

Enjoy the journey

 

That makes me happier than three turtles sunning on a log!

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

Living, Dying, & Finding 100

Recent thoughts going into my final 27 days of training

Let’s start with living. Take a deep breath in. Do you feel that? That is life in it’s purest form. No breath, no life. It’s the basic component of CPR-the ABCs- Airway, Breathing, Circulation. You have to have an airway to breath. Ventilators can breathe for you, but eventually you must breathe on your own, or it is shut off & you die. Take another deep breath. Relax & let the stress melt away. You are alive.

I think it was Les Brown who said, “Some folks are dead at 25, but not buried until they are 85.” I love this metaphor as it describes so many who just “settle” for existing. They are born, go to school, get a job (or not), retire, and wait to die. Their dreams, hopes, and talents are buried with them. They are the naysayers, the ones who don’t believe in themselves even when no one else will. They give up and settle. They never go outside of their comfort zone.

Now, I’m not saying to be irresponsible. Heck, in this day & age of entitlement, we need more responsibility. What if we all took a few more risks? You will never no how far you can go until you push yourself. Don’t die while you are still alive. Here’s one I’ve used before, but is worth repeating:

Live Your Life

On dying: Was is Star Trek that always started with, “Space the Final Frontier?” I personally don’t believe that is true. I think death is the final frontier. What is left after that? Despite one’s beliefs on the afterlife, it is permanent and the one thing that we cannot control. We are all going to die. Many do not want to believe or accept that. That is why it is so hard to sell life insurance & why many a family is left to pick up the pieces and sort things out after the fact.

Many die way too young. So much living left to do, so much heartache left for those who loved them. Their chances are over. Just. like. that. Human nature, or selfishness (human nature), or the “I’ve got time” mentality makes one think that one will always be there. Words left unsaid, fences left un-mended, & “one of these days” are gone forever.

A tale of two women:

2/24/2016 a young woman left this world unexpectedly. I’m sure when she awoke that morning that the thought that she would perish that day never crossed her mind. So tragic, so sad, no time to say goodbye, just gone. I met this young woman when she was seven years old. She died way too young at the age of 40. Her facebook post from the previous day, almost exactly 24 hours to the time of the accident was this:

We all have a departure date

A few days ago a friend called to tell me that a former co-worker was in the hospital and got devastating news out of the blue that she had inoperable cancer. In fact, it is so bad that they could not distinguish one organ from another when they opened her up. The only symptom she had was stomach swelling. The medical professionals have given her 3-4 months to live before her departure date. She herself is one of the finest medical professionals I know, and she taught me a lot about being a nurse. Tragic-yes. Still young by today’s standards of longevity in her early sixties. Yet she has the advantage of getting her affairs in order and saying her goodbyes.

 

Finding 100

As my training is winding down for the Epic Ultra 100, I have struggled to get things just right. Finding the right pace per mile has been one of the issues that has been difficult. Not too fast-definitely not too fast. Yet for someone who has always strived for speed, it has been a challenge wrapping my head around this. It is almost painful to go too slow, but I know this is what must be done to go the distance. So far, I have varied between an 11-12 minute pace and that has seemed to work even with 30 second walks every 4.5 minutes. I know I should slow down even more. I will hit my longest training run on 3/19 of 50 miles-2 weeks before the Ultra. Other struggles have been getting nutrition just right, strengthening my core/hips, and adjusting to carrying 2 liters on my back. At best, I am mentally prepared & I am determined that the other things will just fall into place.

LIVING: Had anyone told me a few years ago that I would be running 100 miles, I would have laughed. But that has been with so many other things in my life as well. I have chosen not to die while still living and breathing. There is so much more living left to do. I am a risk taker & an adventure seeker. I have goals and hopefully will inspire others along the way.

DYING: I realize that I have no control over when my number is up, but I sincerely have tried to leave no regrets. Nor do I have control over how others choose to respond to me, leaving words left unsaid. That is for them to deal with when the time comes, but my mind is at peace. It requires dying to self, self-righteousness, pride, & ego. Sadly, many people would rather hang on to their need to “be right” than to “make things right” with others.

Metaphorically speaking-what will it take to find your 100? Is there a phone call you need to make? A debt you need to pay? A visit, a card? A vacation you’ve been meaning to take? A talent that needs to be unleashed? The chance for “one of these days” may never come.

Hope to see you out on the road or trails,

Stephanie

My Thoughts on Prairie Spirit Trail 50 Miler

Wowza-what a couple of weeks it has been! Boston is less than a week away and YEAH…a 50 miler I decided that I needed to run three weeks before Boston.  These are my thoughts on the whole shebang.

My thoughts on:

Training:  Well, I was trying to be fairly consistent with training throughout the winter months and beyond.  It was sometimes difficult at best to get the long runs in with my crazy work schedule and the unpredictable winter weather.  I obsessed about it continuously.  I was able to get in a 31 miler followed by a 28 miler on the road (trails) prior to a 40 miler on the “dreadmill” ten days out from the actual event.  You haven’t lived until you spend eight hours on a treadmill with a 3 minute break each hour for stretching & nutrition.  Well, I made it through and was happy, yet nervous that it would be my last long  “training” run. I did a 10 miler & a 5 miler the week leading up to race. I had enough confidence in my training that I was not the least bit worried about not being able to finish.

Pre-Race: Oh -race eve!  I had been adding additional carbs to my daily diet for at least 10 days prior to race day. Every smart runner knows that one needs the glycogen stores to power them through on a long runs. I was digging eating up extra cookies and bread and whatever else I could get my hands on!  I was really craving pancakes the day prior, so that was the “brunch” meal of the day.  IHOP knows how to do pancakes right!  I think I had a cheese/turkey wrap that night, but I can’t say for sure.  Packet pickup was a breeze and I had some of the lingering questions answered about what I was unclear of about the race itself. I also met a 25 time 100 mile finisher named John who is the young age of 70. He was signed up for the 100 miler (his 26th). It was a pleasure talking with him and hearing of all of his adventures. Packet pickup was smooth & easy. The t-shirts ran REALLY small. I wear a small but it looks as if it were made for a 10 yr old. The color is awesome- but it is a tight fit. I didn’t pay for the pre-race meal, so I went on home to prepare.

Me & John

Race Day: We were told we were to have our “drop bags” turned in between 0630-0700.  For you non-runners, that is the bag you may have “dropped” off at one of the “manned” aid stations.  The bag may have various things in it that you may need as a runner such as a change of socks, shoes, body lube, chapstick, change of clothing, jacket, snacks, etc.  Since I was “only” running the 50 miler, and I had a someone crewing for me (a person who meets you at aid stations to assist you in any way you may need), I only needed one “drop bag” which I had “dropped off” at the turn around (27 mile) point.  It contained a change of shoes & socks, a lighter jacket, aquaphor, chapstick, aspercreme, trail mix and some fruit snacks.  I really didn’t know what I would need at 27 miles.  Talk about a small world, I recognized someone I had worked with at Hallmark Cards distribution over 12 years ago. He had gotten back into running and was active with the “Trail Nerds.”  He was volunteering at the halfway point for the 100 milers.  It was interesting catching back up with him.  The race director gave his “talk” around 0730 and we lined up to start at 0750.  At 0800 the air horn blew, and we were off.  There was a bit of a chill in the air, but overall, it was perfect running weather.

Start of 50 Miler

 Digressing the Bowels: The first four miles was an out and back from the start line, back to the start line, then due south to hit the trail from Ottawa, KS to Garnett, KS and back.  Every distance runner knows that it is ALWAYS best to get the bathroom habits taken care of before the race starts.  How this happens is unique to every runner.  For me, I am usually too stressed to relax enough for mother nature to take it’s course. This race day was no different.  This can be a problem for a marathon road race when one is trying for a certain time & has to stand in line for a porta potty during the race.  I felt it coming on at the four mile out & back, but I was too stubborn to stop back at the “Celebration Hall” (where we gathered prior) to use the facilities.  I thought to myself, “no big deal, I will hit the johnny room at the first manned aid station.”  Little did I realize that it was another 7.8 miles out.  There was an “unmanned” water station prior to that, but no porta potty.  About halfway into it, I knew I was in trouble.  It was either do as nature does, or make like a baby and crap my pants.  The latter was not an option at ANY cost.  So then I began the lookout.  I searched for the most thick pine tree populated area & made a run for it-brushing through weeds and overgrown grasses.  I found a delightful spot behind the most BEAUTIFUL thick pine tree I had ever seen.  Oh glory day!  Drop pants, squat, and POOP!  Yes, I did that…POOPED in the woods!  Ahh-back to nature.  What a relief. Luckily I had my sweat rags (cut off t-shirt sleeves) as emergency toilet paper. But being the super savvy ecological protector that I am, I had to wad it up (wrapped in a clean cloth) and carry it to the manned aid station to dispose of it.  Such is life.  Desperation beckoned, and I answered! I don’t know if a bear craps in the woods, but I sure do! Don’t judge me-it is a natural bodily function!

Pacing & Strangers: On 3/15/2014, I had the privilege of run/walking a 5k with Olympian Jeff Galloway in Lawrence, KS. He was there to offer his insights into the run/walk method for marathon training.  I was able to run along side him and pick his brain for his insight/rationale behind the run/walk method.  It was a great experience and one of the BEST things I ever incorporated into my long runs. I went away with a “Boston Marathon: How to Qualify” book and a run/walk timer.  I have used the timer religiously on all of my longish runs, which for me is anything over 15 miles.  This race day was no different and I used it at the start even though I felt a bit weird having everyone pass me.  Either they were seasoned ultra runners, or just plain newbies who had not done a lot of research on how to finish an ultra.  At any rate, a lot of them were just plain walking around miles 18-20.  It was then that a strange thing then began to happen.  Other runners began to run beside me and benefitted from the timer which was set at a 4/1 minute run/walk.  At one point, we had a group of 6 of us.  It was a great time of conversation and camaraderie. I had a great time with these 2- Allen & Audrey who were both from Texas & after a while did not seem like strangers at all.

We’re In This Together

 Aid Stations: There were 4 “unmanned” (water) aid stations out & back and 5 “manned” ones. The “manned” ones had lots of refreshment to offer and were well equipped.  There were toilet facilities at each manned station as well. Those stations were also great places for your crew person to meet up with their runner. We had to “check in” at each manned station so they could keep tabs on everyone.  If you dropped out, it had to be at a “manned” station so you could be accounted for.

 Mindset/Endurance:   I NEVER go into any race with the thought that I “can’t” do it.  I truly believe that a couple of marathons I struggled through in the past have helped me to know that I can finish no matter how much I hurt and want to quit. That’s why it is SO important as runners to keep challenging ourselves and never give up. You can draw off of those experiences when the going gets tough.

The Halfway/Turnaround Point: Garnett, KS marked the “turnaround” at 27.3 miles.  It was inside an old train depot. It was here that I had my “drop bag” with a change of shoes/socks and a lighter jacket.  They also offered sandwiches & tacos. Don’t know why anyone would want to eat tacos on an ultra but hey…whatever floats your boat! It was a nice reprieve to be able to stretch, breathe, talk with others and refocus for the rest of the journey.  I stayed there around 15-20 minutes…23 miles to go.

The Way Back:  I was solo for a bit but Allen showed up as he had for much of the run, literally “out of nowhere.” Another runner joined us at the first unmanned station and then we lost Allen at the last “manned” station.  We ran together for five or so miles and then he sprinted ahead of me.  Mile 47.05 was the last unmanned aid station. It was here that I stretched A LOT and encouraged other runners that we only had a 5k left.  Amazing how three little miles can seem like 13 on weary legs! I was alone on the rest of this journey.

On Finishing: Isn’t it amazing how the sight of the finish line gives you that extra jolt of energy?  I was finally there and crossed the finish line at 10:39:28—48/103 total 50 mile finishers, 10/36 total females, and 3/8 age group. I was pleased with that considering I had predicted my time to be 10:30:00, and given the fact I was at the turnaround for 15-20 minutes.  It wasn’t about a finishing time, but an accomplishment.  It was about the journey and self-discovery. It was about helping others along the way. It was about knowing that no matter what obstacles, hardships, or pain comes at me in life -I can overcome them with the right mindset…even if that means overcoming them alone.

Just a Few Steps to the Finish Line

In Conclusion: This was the 3rd year for this particular race in the Epic Ultra series.  Overall, I was pleased with my first ultra as it was relatively flat, well organized & controlled.  The only real “gripe” I have is that there needs to be at least one more unmanned water station between the manned Princeton and Richmond stations.  That is a span of 6.5 miles which may not be such a big deal on the way out, but definitely is on the way back.  Since it is on a trail, no one likes to litter (which is prohibited) or have to carry trash on their person.  There was not ONE trash can along the way-only at the manned aid stations. I was also shocked that there were not bike patrols out there making sure everyone was okay. Would I do this one again?  Probably not, as I like new things. I would recommend this for first timers though. Photos are free, manned aid stations have a lot to offer, and pre-race instructions were clear.  I would not recommend purchasing the after race meal though. For the $, one can get much better fare elsewhere.

What’s next?  Pretty sure a hundred miler is in October.  People think I’m crazy…well non-runners that is!  Maybe I am, but I wasn’t born to be average or status quo.  Plus-I DO NOT like the sound that sheep make…baa, baa!

Until We Meet Again,

Stephanie

Some succeed because they are destined to, but most succeed because they are determined to.”

–unknown

I Am a Specific Kind of Crazy!

Winter Blahs…or Wherefore Art Thou Springtime?

Holy Moly, have two months really gone by since I last posted?  Egads, time flies!  I know, I know-it doesn’t really, especially this time of year. Winter-bleck!  It is definitely NOT my favorite season.  Although I must confess, January here in ole Missouri wasn’t half bad.  We even had one or two 70 degree days.  It was running bliss.  Then came February (darned that groundhog)!  Brr, cold, windy, snow, ice…dreadmill…er treadmill time!

Love/Hate relationship

Now, I know some of you are BEASTS and run in all kinds of winter weather.  I don’t mind the cold so much as the slick stuff on the ground, and I have actually done my fair share of running (dodging) ice patches as well.  But I do not like it one bit.  One slip and this half a centurion could be laid up and injured for weeks. I just can’t risk that with Boston looming on the horizon in seven short weeks.  I know I could just walk out to my car and slip as well, but that would be do to my clumsiness (that dance lessons didn’t fix).

The month of February posed a challenge to get my long runs in in preparation for the 50 miler I am participating in at the end of March.  Notice I said, “participating in.”  I am definitely NOT racing it and have no goal times. My goal is to finish and still be standing.  My challenge when running long has always been starting out really slow-uncomfortably slow!  Yet, I know that is what I must do or I will not finish.  Some runners say, “Death before DNF.” I say, “Hog wash!”  That is just dumb.  I have completed all races I have entered up to this point and finished in pain lots of times.  Two particular marathons I despised every mile past 18, but I trecked on.  I have learned a lot since then.  To not finish would not be the end of the world, especially when it comes to an ultra.  As I’ve gotten older, I have realized it is about the journey.  I learn a lot about myself with every training run and every mile covered.  Now to DNF Boston would be another thing!!!

That is the point of doing the 50 miler three weeks before Boston.  It’s called endurance, and I have enough of a base now from running consistently and smartly for over a year now in contrast to prior years when I would take months off at a time (winter).  My hope is to taper from there & make 26.2 seem like a half marathon.  People have called me crazy for doing it, but hey…that’s their problem.  I think drinking soda every day is crazy, but that’s just me. Now when people see me out running in winter weather I may LOOK crazed, delirious, insane, and ninja like- but that’s okay.  I gave up on trying to look “cool” a long time ago.  I was a fat little introverted kid in school-definitely not the “popular” cheerleader or “cool” athletic type.

Just me and Johnny D. & my Ninja like running attire

I decided while grocery shopping today (and freezing), that I am ready to sweat and to not have to wear so many clothes.  I know there are a lot of running folks who love this cold weather running…I am not one of them.  I would rather sweat and look like I came out of a swimming pool fully clothed than be cold.  But that’s just me, we’re all different (thank God)!

Learning how to fuel for a 50 miler has been a learning experience as well.  I’m not one to carry things during a race that I have to chew.  It has always been GUs for me.  I did discover the baby food pouches and have decided that they will come in handy.  I am also going to have someone crew for me, so there’s that as well If I decide I need a banana or something.  Again, since I am not focusing on a specific finish time goal, I have been experimenting with many different things.  Oh yeah, and it will be nice to be able to go potty when I need to (no time goal, etc).

Fueling Options

The good news is, this is suppose to be the last really cold week and the temp may even hit 70 by this coming Sunday.  My training is somewhat off due to a nasty stomach bug I had a couple weeks ago and the blasted weather.  I am not concerned.  Daylight savings is also this weekend, so running after work will be possible again.  I am super excited for that.  I am super excited for Springtime and sultry Summer nights.  Winter has it’s place.  I realize that I may not appreciate the warm weather as much without it.  It could have been worse for most of us in the U.S. Poor Boston got pounded with heavy snowfall. But they are Boston strong!  It still seems surreal that I am running Boston.  This former fat, introvert’s big running dream came true.  I guess life is sort of like that. Through running I have learned that if you’re going to dream, dream BIG…anything is possible!

7 weeks away!

Until we meet again (it just may be at a start line somewhere),

Stephanie